Lots of pressure on both of us. What happens is the relationship is submerged. You’re too busy to spend time connecting, and not connecting is THE big threat to romantic relationships and introduces the danger of finding intimacy elsewhere, example, coworkers.  It’s extremely hard to “connect” when you come home, and you face dinner, housework, with little kids yammering and tugging at you.  It is literally impossible to have a decent conversation with kids around. By the time the kids are in bed you’re so wiped you don’t even want sex, you just crash, and still haven’t verbally connected. 

So the work is, first you must recognize the danger exists.  I’m convinced a lot of divorces happen because people get too far down the road before awareness creeps in that they’ve ignored the primary relationship too long.  Second, you must act to create time for the relationship.  Get a babysitter and have date night. Drop the kids at the grandparents and go for a weekend vacation. You must consider these things necessities, not luxuries, and budget for them.

Remain healthy. Try not to get fat, that’s bad for sexual attraction. Schedule sex. Forget the idea that “it’s got to be spontaneous or it’s not fun.”  Women with small kids and babies do not feel very sexy but you can put work into it for the sake of the relationship. Do not underestimate the power of sex to defuse simmering anger and resentment and reboot your feelings about each other.

Nip outside attractions in the bud. Everybody made fun of Mike Pence when he said he wouldn’t go to dinner with a woman not his wife but he is exactly right.  Those are the opportunities to feel a spark with someone else that can grow to threaten your marriage.

Manage your finances. Do not go into debt. Do not live beyond your means. Money problems are a huge strain on a relationship.  Unfortunately if it leads to divorce, things can get even worse in that department, especially for the man.

Learn how to argue.  Avoid “you always” attacks, and so on.  All of this requires conscious effort, and the marriage can survive the underwater years. Then when the kids grow up and move away, if you’ve held it together this long, worked hard and built a life, you have an ironclad long term bond.

Of course, all of this only works if you marry the right person in the first place. It has to be someone you like, not are just infatuated with, but like, as in friend, companion.  Not a narcissistic psychopath or anything.

Yes.  I found the effort was during the years raising kids.  High pressure and stress.

You have to look at it from their point of view.

You’re not gonna do what I think you might be getting ready to do, are you?