Johnny picks up Jenny for their date and they head to the town carnival. After some popcorn and carnival games, Johnny asks her what she’d like to do next. “I wanna get weighed” says Jenny.
Off to the scale they go.
After a few more games and food, Johnny again asks what she’d like to do next. “I wanna get weighed!” says Jenny a little more emphatically.
Off to the scale they go again.
This happens a third and a fourth time that evening.
Slightly frustrated, Johnny drops Jenny off back at her house.
Jenny walls in the door and her mother asks “how was your date”?
“WOWSIE”! Screams Jenny
Remember when Playboy magazine reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue?
Then Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic?
And when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of two small breasts and two large thighs?
Now KFC has a new offer, the "Nancy Pelosi Special," It consists of nothing but left wings and chicken shit.
I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.This joke thread would be funnier if you don’t add true stories. Except for getting the manager, the McDonalds story actually happened to me.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...
I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when a TSA employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee.....
When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....
Too much truth to this to be a joke...
I need to know the sexual orientation of the logger for Steingar.
Oh man. That’s a CLASSIC! I miss Monty Python. It would be great now but the humorless masses would not understand it.
Crank up the sound.Laughing through tears here! Priceless! That’s soooo exactly illustrates that if we can’t laugh at ourselves, everything just gets worse.
https://twitter.com/OzzyManReviews/status/1086224450918334469
"No, this is
Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the
ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
I just want to know where I can get two steak dinners for $32.62??
Golden Corral?
A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”
The father said: “Why, my son, it is a ‘chechia.’ In the desert it
protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a
‘djbellah.’ As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very
hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire
Body,”
The son then asked: “But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have
on your feet?”
“These are ‘babouches’ my son,” the father replied. You must
understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are
also extremely hot. These babouches’ keep us from burning our feet.”
“So tell me then,” added the boy.
“Yes, my son…”
“Why are you living in Minnesota and still wearing all this shit?
“Why are you living in Minnesota and still wearing all this shit?
(https://i0.wp.com/hardnoxandfriends.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/ir.jpg?fit=1000%2C750)
I actually only saw a guy reading a book. Until I came back to this post the next day. I really need to get out more.
When the Democrats hold their Presidential debate I wonder what questions should be asked. One that pops into my mind isThis whole thread.
If I like my baby can I keep my baby?
Got other questions?
Still wish I could figure out how to post stills in the post.
Just above the smilies, there is a box with a picture. Click on it and you will see two "img" boxes appear. Place your link inside.
The picture isn't a link, I upload it from my machine. So you have to upload your pic to a website hosting it in order to put it in the body of the text?
Still wish I could figure out how to post stills in the post.
Is that you Rush?
:)
Still wish I could figure out how to post stills in the post.
Ever notice NO ONE has come forward and said they were sexually harassed by Hillary.No one has to say it, but look at his picture:
No one. Nada.
My Roomba escaped
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=1041)
Don't know if this is a joke or not but it is funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0nZ1mDUOg8&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR1RlGClcyyWnQ-Uk3-NRQn6SILl2xuJiQ3ClZ0Nw5RcnWouTukwnab7vfQ
I thought this was supposed to be a joke thread.
I Don't Care Who You Are.... That There Was FUNNY!
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=1244)
So, Tesla has announced their new model Y.Which was their well known plan all along. Actuallly, the "3" was originally supposed to be an "E". I"m not sure why he chickened out of that.
That means their car models are now
S
3
X
Y
3 is "leetspeak" for E
.(http://)
Anyone have this problem?
Adam Schiff
Even worse of a joke, the way MSM reported on him. Wow, one of the best most profound elegant speeches ever made!I was listening to CNN in my car yesterday and I heard something that I never thought I'd hear on that station. I wish I knew who it was talking.
I was listening to CNN in my car yesterday and I heard something that I never thought I'd hear on that station. I wish I knew who it was talking.
He said (paraphrasing) that when he was listening to Schiff, he was shaking his head up and down and agreeing with him. But then when he heard the Rs rebutting him, he said he thought to himself; wow, they have a good point too. So it is easy to go back and forth if you have an open mind.
I'd like to know who he was because I can't believe CNN will allow someone with an open mind back on their show.
(sorry, this wasn't a joke).
I reposted the Kung Flu meme to several places and just came back here to post it. Then I realized that this is where I got it from.
Ignore me, I'll be in the corner looking for my marbles.
I reposted the Kung Flu meme to several places and just came back here to post it. Then I realized that this is where I got it from.You will have to examine those marbles closely to make sure they are yours.
Ignore me, I'll be in the corner looking for my marbles.
Today at DisneyWorld, a boat in the Jungle Cruise ride sank in the middle of the ride.Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games
^^^^ That is wonderful.
They need to add one more animal to the far left: man, and the line needs to say, “crashed on a snowy mountaintop.”
^^^^ That is wonderful.https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2rsmd7
They need to add one more animal to the far left: man, and the line needs to say, “crashed on a snowy mountaintop.”
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2rsmd7
Well I wasn't expecting some kind of Spanish Inquisition.
But are they real?
But are they real?
https://babylonbee.com/news/obama-walks-back-comments-about-being-responsible-for-the-stock-market
MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA—From his seaside mansion, former president Barack Obama announced today that he is formally passing ownership of the stock market and economy on to President Trump.
"All the gains were mine -- Trump didn't build that -- but this crash is all on Trump," Obama said as he admired the ocean, which will consume his home in fewer than twelve years. "My responsibility for the great economic gains in this country ended the moment the stocks started to tank this morning."
The former president said that he does reserve the right to reverse his stance and reclaim credit for any economic gains realized after the market turns around, whenever that may be.
"As soon as this thing stabilizes, I'll be there, claiming credit for things I didn't do."
Obama also assured panicked Americans that if they like their economy, they can keep their economy.
As for the tanking economy, I’m getting ready to send $thousands of the cash I have lying around to my broker today to ask him to buy buy buy. I’m pretty risk averse too, so take that to indicate my confidence in Trump’s economy.
Markets always over sell due to emotion, and we are getting to that point, so I would take that bet also. The Virus is temporary and the oil trade war between Russia and Saudi is temporary. In a few weeks China will be back cranking at full capacity and the demand for oil will go back to where it was.
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meet the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
Anthony
A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama
Moral:
Never Bulla Shita you Mama
^^^^^How do you know all this about my life, and why are you spying on me? ???!!!!!
How do I make the picture full size?
How do I make the picture full size?
Too soon?
Too soon?
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=1384;image)
Well I have no class, so that is fine for me. ;D
Dark humor is like food in a German concentration camp. Not everybody gets it.
Yes, I am probably going to hell
Dark humor is like food in a German concentration camp. Not everybody gets it.
Yes, I am probably going to hell
Bring a six pack and some pizzas when you do...
I have a love/hate relationship with YT.
Also, I need to change my deadbolts out for something less penetrable.
Spoiler. He wasn't really talking about locks.
The Queen asked British auto makers to make respirators.
Apologizing they said they could not do it.
They can not figure out how to make a respirator leak oil..
(https://i2.wp.com/hardnoxandfriends.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/me10.jpg?w=720&ssl=1)
Ahhhhhh!!!! Web Hubbel's daughter has the worst of both!
She is a spot on ringer for old Web, isn't she?
(https://i.imgur.com/No2tLN1.jpeg)
I still hate you.
Much better. I have been wanting to see a picture of Rush.
Thanks.
For Joe
(https://peacemoonbeam.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451af9f69e201675f7d2e9f970b-pi)
3 something a.m. and can’t sleep as usual these days. And these are making me laugh. Thanks, I needed that.
(https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2020/04/full-25466-225207-xo4qkulk.png)
(https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2020/04/full-3152-228120-1_1_1_1_1_problem.jpg)
"Oh that! Mom dragged you into the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed "Leave me alone I'm married!!"
I would have said that exact same thing!!!Are you married? Again?
Are you married? Again?
I get the other pictures of jokes, but why do you have MT on the joke thread?
;D
(http://clubsearay.com/index.php?attachments/7c6560c1-17d9-4d1a-9edb-d6f096b8563c-jpeg.84174/)
My nieghbors would love those. Found out Saturday that the neighbor next door is a bit of a nudist. She gets drinking, it all comes off.Pictures or it didn’t happen. You know the rules.
My nieghbors would love those. Found out Saturday that the neighbor next door is a bit of a nudist. She gets drinking, it all comes off.Personal observation??? ;D
Pictures or it didn’t happen. You know the rules.
Personal observation??? ;D
BAN LUCIFER! >:(
;D
No doubt lucifer is the epitome of evil.
Need a substitute picture to pop up.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200519/e1d7d43b0797692ea6a584d6d00d3dbe.jpg)
(https://forum.pafoa.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=134392&stc=1&d=1594282128)'
There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.Except for the last part, that isn't funny. It is one of my pet peeves.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200908/876528e328038171e87b2d0ab8334459.jpg)
So compassionate....Ha! That’s awesome.
(https://i0.wp.com/hardnoxandfriends.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/tb28-2.jpg?w=605&ssl=1)
Fake news:
http://wlos.com/news/local/asheville-restaurant-says-trump-special-photo-is-a-fake
(https://i1.wp.com/hardnoxandfriends.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/tb10-1.jpg?w=500&ssl=1)
What kind of MAN lets a gold chain go in his crack while wearing a dress and bent over?
I cannot like that post or quote it.
You mean literally the buttons don’t work? Website glitch? Clear your cache? Restart your device?
Not literally. There is no BARF emoji for me to use. ;D
Hahaha...
No, those sub finders were next to useless. ;D
“...sorry about the fart, love the shoes!”
You paint a pretty picture Rush!
Just to be clear, that is NOT me. I shamelessly lifted it from some unknown author.
hmmmm. How many believe Rush?
:)
It’s not me! The only thing I have in common with that woman is my boobs are magnificent enough to outweigh my gaseous emissions. At least my husband seems to think so. ;D
Several of my wives had magnificent boobs and no gas emissions (that I ever knew about) and I still divorced them all! ;D
Several of my wives had magnificent boobs and no gas emissions (that I ever knew about) and I still divorced them all! ;DBut did any of them have any brain emissions? Brains and boobs make a wonderful combination.
But did any of them have any brain emissions? Brains and boobs make a wonderful combination.
Rush has brains too.
But did any of them have any brain emissions? Brains and boobs make a wonderful combination.
Rush has brains too.
Well Rush and I assume Becky, although I've never met her, are pretty special women and are very rare. I've met Rush and she is spectacular in every way.Pictures or it didn’t happen.
Pictures or it didn’t happen.
Pictures or it didn’t happen.
I'm not Anthony, but at a flyin a long long time ago:
I'm not Anthony, but at a flyin a long long time ago:So who’s in the picture?
That's great! Yes, it was a very long time ago at a fly in, maybe that one where I met Rush and Mr. Rush.
Is that Williamsburg, KJGG?
Is that the one Ron Levy was at and twirled his plane for us?
I'm not Anthony, but at a flyin a long long time ago:
I'm thinking Rush is the little blonde girl sitting in the woman's lap on the left.
I'm thinking it may be. I may have still had my Cherokee at that point, pre Tiger. 2000? 2001? I only had the Cherokee for two years before I bought the Tiger, so maybe not.Is that your son with the t-shirt that says “I fart in your general direction”?
Just to clarify, I am NOT in the photo that was posted by Mr Pou.
Is that your son with the t-shirt that says “I fart in your general direction”?
Well Rush and I assume Becky, although I've never met her, are pretty special women and are very rare. I've met Rush and she is spectacular in every way.I assure you I am quite spectacular, but did you have to say I was special in the JOKE THREAD?
"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."
The format
of that joke
is
completely
fucked
up.
Tim
The format
of that joke
is
completely
fucked
up.
Tim
replies in Usenet?
Remember all the top-post
It could have been worse.
complain
I don't think people should
That's great! Yes, it was a very long time ago at a fly in, maybe that one where I met Rush and Mr. Rush.
Is that Williamsburg, KJGG?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210106/8ed3c8521b7314998b01080d94734a97.jpg)
It should say....Did this dumb Aggie not hear the Reverend congressman close the invocation in Congress by saying “amen” and “awomen”? That’s the joke.(https://media3.giphy.com/media/jXD7kFLwudbBC/giphy.gif)
A MAN and A WOMAN
Even this dumb Aggie knows singular versus plural and spacing.
You know we've gone over the edge when a joke thread is being fact checked.Or proofed for grammar.
You know we've gone over the edge when a joke thread is being fact checked.Especially when the fucking title is “Joke Thread.”
You know we've gone over the edge when a joke thread is being fact checked.
(https://i1.wp.com/hardnoxandfriends.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/elect20.jpg?w=469&ssl=1)
(https://i1.wp.com/hardnoxandfriends.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/elect20.jpg?w=469&ssl=1)
Don’t make me look at that. I vomited enough last night. IRL.
That’s not good. Hope you are doing better.
Thanks, sorry I missed this til now. I’m fine, I was supplementing with niacin and took too much. Apparently that’s one of the side effects. You learn something new every day.
Interesting - worst I’ve gotten from a large dose is the niacin flush. I take a B complex supplement from Life Extension because the advise I’ve seen is to take them together in certain ratios.
(http://lowres.jantoo.com/health-beauty-vitamin_c-b_complex-complexes-analyst-vitamin-33231044_low.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210130/2ad58c2f13070e7bf09f8d340e98662e.jpg)
and even just a chance of a dusting results in a run on snow shovels...Lol. I lived in Charlotte and I agree. Milk, eggs and bread were gone from store shelves, so southerners must make a lot of French toast during snow storms.
Still can't figure out how to make this picture big in the post.
Still can't figure out how to make this picture big in the post.
Upload your file as normal and post. Once posted, click on thumbnail to expand pic. Once expanded, right click post and select image address. Copy, then modify your post using the picture (img) button.
Yahoo competes with the Babylon Bee:
COVID-19 Vaccine Turning Patients into Zombies? Fact-Check Proves Viral Image is Morphed (https://in.news.yahoo.com/covid-19-vaccine-turns-patients-075543720.html)
In response to this image:
Midwest Siri!!!Charlie Berens is a funny guy. Here’s a good one celebrating the drinking culture we have here in Wisconsin.
https://bluebirdofbitterness.com/2021/02/25/its-geek-to-me-8/
IIRC, Anthony has a fondness for Philly
(yes, I stole this from POA)
Not for the city itself, although I was born there. North Philly and West Philly are classic, minority SHIT HOLES where Black on Black daily murders and violence are NORMAL thanks to the Democrat revolving door judicial system where Felons get right back out on the street.
I was being sarcastic (I know, I know, I'm never sarcastic)
Gotta love the fact checkers on a joke thread............ ::)
stolen from POA
(I wonder why it doesn't get deleted...)
Who posted that?
A1topgun
whoever that is...
Democrats
The only one having fun is China :-(I think the Dems are sort of getting a thrill out of it too. At least for now.
(https://toptradeguru.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/prime-gender-by-graphic-rhythm-yes-there-are-more-than-34880665.png)
Your Welcome.....
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210721/5bc244f482a752eae7d20228ff58bdc4.jpg)
Wow, I hadn’t seen that thing yet, it really is phallic, good lord.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210722/dc655359cc9657531117dc435f51ed4c.jpg)
Wow, I hadn’t seen that thing yet, it really is phallic, good lord.
First thing I thought when I saw the rocket. "This guy's such a dick that even his rocket looks like a dick."
This is a true story. I had forgotten about it but my husband reminded me of it today. This was when the kids were little.
One afternoon he was mowing the lawn. I came out of the house and planted myself in front of the riding mower with my hands on my hips. He had to stop, turn off the mower, take off his headset and find out what my problem was.
“You’re out here having fun while those kids are driving me crazy! We’re switching places. You go in there and deal with them, I want to mow grass and have fun.”
So I got on the mower and started mowing and he goes into the house and says to the kids, “Your mother has sent me in here to kill you.” They stare up at him, horrified. “If you go to your rooms and play quietly, I might be able to talk her out of it.” They scampered off to their rooms and he didn’t hear another peep out of them while he sat down with a beer and watched TV. He didn’t even have to finish the mowing.
This is a true story. I had forgotten about it but my husband reminded me of it today. This was when the kids were little.
One afternoon he was mowing the lawn. I came out of the house and planted myself in front of the riding mower with my hands on my hips. He had to stop, turn off the mower, take off his headset and find out what my problem was.
“You’re out here having fun while those kids are driving me crazy! We’re switching places. You go in there and deal with them, I want to mow grass and have fun.”
So I got on the mower and started mowing and he goes into the house and says to the kids, “Your mother has sent me in here to kill you.” They stare up at him, horrified. “If you go to your rooms and play quietly, I might be able to talk her out of it.” They scampered off to their rooms and he didn’t hear another peep out of them while he sat down with a beer and watched TV. He didn’t even have to finish the mowing.
Funniest joke I know right now…That's not comedy. That's tragedy.
Biden.
there is absolutely NOTHING funny about the clown occupying the whitehouse
there is absolutely NOTHING funny about the clown occupying the whitehouse
And it will be a downright tragedy when Harris replaces him.
That's not comedy. That's tragedy.
Funniest joke I know right now…
Biden.
Stolen from Beechtalk (Yes, they do have a sense of humor over there).
https://www.beechtalk.com/forums/download/file.php?id=355645
I never know how to copy an image. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't and I don't know why. I don't know if you can pull up the link without a password or not.
https://twitter.com/JackPosobiec/status/1439346562145079296
What did socialist countries use for lighting before they used candles? Electricity.
(https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2021/09/full-25466-311274-ljl6uakr.jpeg)
https://share.icloud.com/photos/0JgZfrSY8TEEdp0P_G1CdWAMA
Sorry don’t know how to get an image on here
If you can get it onto your local machine you can upload it using the “Attachments and other options” tool that appears below the posting text-entry window.
I’m on an iPad, maybe my desktop would work better?
For you guys.Well done Rush!
.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20211022/ce093f89561681c558b56b64aee92216.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20211023/0901830b3c860f1bc5f5d63ce1a94578.jpg)
“Elaine, what are you doing here?” Funniest scene ever.^^^True!
^^^True!
8)
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=2349;image)Let’s ask the expert:
2) Snopes is apparently in enough financial trouble that they are begging for money.
Snopes rates that mostly false.
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=2365;image).
Always do a pecker check in Asia. I know a few James it happened to.Well, I'm not the world's most masculine man
Well, I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man
And so is Lola
I'm a big Kinks fan. Saw them in 1977 in a small college venue and it was probably the best Rock show I've ever seen. That song created quite a stir when it was released. The Kinks had been banned from entering the U.S. for years prior, but they got back in somehow to tour for that album.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FFrnrZjXwAUrMki.jpg)
Another one, somebody got a tiny cut on his thumb when a tape measure retracted. Now they have made a rule that everyone must wear gloves while using tape measures.
apparently not of the people making these rules actually works with power equipment...
Another one, somebody got a tiny cut on his thumb when a tape measure retracted. Now they have made a rule that everyone must wear gloves while using tape measures.
Rules not needed, usually a person only makes that mistake once.
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=2408;image).
another one stolen from POA...Whatever thread that is from can't last long.
Whatever thread that is from can't last long.
In a way it again reduced to Bruce bashing, which I just don't get. Bruce does all he can within the confines of the rules to keep airmen in the air.
In a way it again reduced to Bruce bashing, which I just don't get. Bruce does all he can within the confines of the rules to keep airmen in the air.
That’s true and I called him out on the Bruce bashing. But he was digging himself deeper and deeper into the hole and looking more and more foolish as everyone told him he was wrong. So PoA shuts it down. Why? To protect someone’s feelings? Bruce doesn’t care. No doubt he’s not reading the thread anymore. So are they trying to protect Bladeslap’s feelings? He was bringing it on himself.
From his account creation he’s only been there a couple years, I guess he just hasn’t the long history knowing Bruce like the rest of us.
I don't know. He was fresh off his forced vacation from POA and jumped right back into it.
*shrug* If he doesn't change, he'll be on a permanent vacation.
Dr Bruce tells it the way it is, and that's what pisses off the crybabies.Bruce was my AME when I needed an SI 10 years ago. Very nice guy in person, but occasionally can be an ass online, at least from my recollection of the AOPA boards. I don’t even really recall him participating much on POA when I was there.
It's not even aa aviation board any longer.
Bruce was my AME when I needed an SI 10 years ago. Very nice guy in person, but occasionally can be an ass online, at least from my recollection of the AOPA boards. I don’t even really recall him participating much on POA when I was there.
That's the thing about him, when you know him well. He IS frequently an asshole online. But that's not the whole story. He gave me a lot of free advice off forum when my daughter had cancer and helped me with other things. He is all about helping people. He's a pain doc, all about reducing suffering, plus keeping pilots in the air, as long as they aren't actually unsafe and uncertifiable. He's worked all his career doing good work like this, it pisses me off when people who have no idea who he is attack him on the forum.
well, when someone is "frequently an asshole online" (your words, not mine), being attacked is not entirely unjustified.
Well, that does seem to be his shtick: nice guy, does a lot of good, but online a bit of a blowhard (à la Steingar: I'm right you're wrong, I'm smart you're dumb) and his skin is so thin, it's transparent.
Well, that does seem to be his shtick: nice guy, does a lot of good, but online a bit of a blowhard (à la Steingar: I'm right you're wrong, I'm smart you're dumb) and his skin is so thin, it's transparent.Yea, that last part was a little off putting. The forums aren’t airports; no need to announce your departure. Surprising for a Navy pilot.
If I recall he was not a fan of people trying to do a workaround of the FAA consequences of receiving a DUI.
Then criticize his assholiness, but don't attack him for being in league with the big bad FAA and having conflict of interests. Bladeslap simply doesn't know what he's talking about wrt Bruce. I happen to agree with his position on FAA certification overreach. But Bruce isn't the enemy, the FAA is.
Whatever thread that is from can't last long.
whoa... back up
I wasn't attacking Bruce - never did
Sure, his avatar about not accepting minimum standards is stupid, but I never attacked Bruce.
Yea, that last part was a little off putting. The forums aren’t airports; no need to announce your departure. Surprising for a Navy pilot.
If I recall he was not a fan of people trying to do a workaround of the FAA consequences of receiving a DUI.
Bruce was my AME when I needed an SI 10 years ago. Very nice guy in person, but occasionally can be an ass online, at least from my recollection of the AOPA boards. I don’t even really recall him participating much on POA when I was there.
Yea, that last part was a little off putting. The forums aren’t airports; no need to announce your departure. Surprising for a Navy pilot.Are you talking about the time he and Jay got into it? Bruce got pissed and announced he was leaving, and did for a few years. He eventually made an appearance and received a warm welcome and he stayed, but not like he did before. Now he is a mod on ThePIlotsPlace.
What last part? I don’t recall him announcing departure, but I might have missed something. Or did they delete stuff.Like I said above, I don’t recall him much from POA, but on the AOPA boards, he would regularly declare he was done giving advice and depart for a few weeks or months. He allowed the idiots to get to him. I wonder if he had any role in the AOPA boards going away.
Are you talking about the time he and Jay got into it? Bruce got pissed and announced he was leaving, and did for a few years. He eventually made an appearance and received a warm welcome and he stayed, but not like he did before. Now he is a mod on ThePIlotsPlace.I’m not aware of his politics, as politics was verboten on AOPA. Too bad about being anti-Trump. For a P-3 pilot I figured he would have liked Trump from a military perspective.
I still have all the respect in the world for him, but he has become such an avid anti-Trumper, it pains me. I wish he would stick to AME stuff.
Like I said above, I don’t recall him much from POA, but on the AOPA boards, he would regularly declare he was done giving advice and depart for a few weeks or months. He allowed the idiots to get to him. I wonder if he had any role in the AOPA boards going away.
I’m not aware of his politics, as politics was verboten on AOPA. Too bad about being anti-Trump. For a P-3 pilot I figured he would have liked Trump from a military perspective.
He never got heavy into politics. Even way back on the first AOPA board, (the yellow one?) which was full of politics I don’t recall him going into the Hangar Talk subforum very much which if I recall was where the politics were. I never knew how he voted but he made one or two comments that seemed to indicate he was anti-big government. I concluded that he’s probably not a far left commie, but that doesn’t mean a person is for Trump. I’ve known a couple of rather conservative people who hate Trump. On the Pilots Place he spoke out against hydroxychloroquine which disappointed me and makes me think he’s been living in a blue big city too long and has been thusly contaminated. But I don’t really know his politics.Unless he moved, he was practicing in Peoria, Illinois. Though IL is deep blue, Peoria is somewhat conservative, being in the agricultural center of the state. The Democrat leanings of Peoria are probably due to the Union labor of Caterpillar and other feeder industries.
Unless he moved, he was practicing in Peoria, Illinois. Though IL is deep blue, Peoria is somewhat conservative, being in the agricultural center of the state. The Democrat leanings of Peoria are probably due to the Union labor of Caterpillar and other feeder industries.
They drive me crazy. They just locked the most interesting thread in the medical section. I just don’t want to even look over there anymore. Only do it when things get slow here.Write to the interested posters on PoA via PM and suggest they move the discussion to the new medical section here?
Unless he moved, he was practicing in Peoria, Illinois. Though IL is deep blue, Peoria is somewhat conservative, being in the agricultural center of the state. The Democrat leanings of Peoria are probably due to the Union labor of Caterpillar and other feeder industries.His office is now at the Bolingbrook Clow airport. I believe he lives nearby.
I knew he was in Peoria but didn’t know Peoria was less blue than normal for IL. Interesting.Here’s the IL political map from the 2020 election. See why the rest of the state wants to carve out Chicago and the collar counties?
I knew he was in Peoria but didn’t know Peoria was less blue than normal for IL. Interesting.The further south you go from Chicago, the redder the state becomes.
I’m not aware of his politics, as politics was verboten on AOPA. Too bad about being anti-Trump. For a P-3 pilot I figured he would have liked Trump from a military perspective.When he criticizes Trump and people call him a liberal, he protests that he is more of a conservative than people realize. He just hates Trump. He makes no bones about hating Trump. But he is still the AME of choice if you are having a problem with the FAA. He is definitely NOT the FAA.
When he criticizes Trump and people call him a liberal, he protests that he is more of a conservative than people realize. He just hates Trump. He makes no bones about hating Trump.
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=2418;image)
Or the tool that my wife or daughter borrowed and "promised" to return. So aggravating when a 15min job becomes 2hrs just because you have to find all of the friggin tools!
Or the tool that my wife or daughter borrowed and "promised" to return. So aggravating when a 15min job becomes 2hrs just because you have to find all of the friggin tools!
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=2418;image)
Where is the large segment for "Getting away from your wife"?
Where is the large segment for "Getting away from your wife"?
Hiding from or avoiding?
Hiding from or avoiding?
Hiding from or avoiding?
Here’s a test for true love:
Lock your dog and your wife in your trunk for two hours. When you finally open it up, see which one is happy to see you.
Here’s a test for true love:
Lock your dog and your wife in your trunk for two hours. When you finally open it up, see which one is happy to see you.
I’d pretend to be happy to see him and then kill him in his sleep later that night.I thought there would be some Beth Dutton in you, Rush!
I’d pretend to be happy to see him and then kill him in his sleep later that night.
Florida is unbearably hot six - seven months of the year. It's OK November through March though. ::)
It’s being updated … the unvaccinated man is feeling left out because all his vaccinated friends have died of Covid.
^^^^^Moronic.
And these are pilots that can employ critical thinking??? Not talking about you, Joe, but whomever posted that drivel.
I thought that drivel was kind of sarcastic.
I'm an idiot.No you aren’t. When it’s difficult to tell the difference between a MSM news article and the Babylon Bee, you know we are in a different dimension.
I'm an idiot.That would explain a lot. ;)
That would explain a lot. ;)
I'm an idiot.
Someone figured out Biden's strategy
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=2461)
This! The biggest problem we have is testing. People with ZERO symptoms are overwhelming ERs because they are home testing themselves. Cheap widely available covid tests is a disaster. You should not be tested if you have no symptoms and if you have symptoms you should have to go to a doctor to be tested.
Normally I’m very libertarian about the availability of anything a person wants to buy and anything a manufacturer wants to sell should be unregulated including all things health related. But in this case the impact of millions of delusional hypochondriac morons are fueling more covid hysteria that is continuing to destroy society. Covid tests should be BANNED. Except for licensed practitioners and hospitals.
Furthermore they should not test all hospital patients. Only test if they have covid symptoms. If they come in with a heart attack, let them die of a heart attack untested, because they have proven themselves incapable of logging deaths distinguished as FROM or WITH.
The home test we used back in September worked well.
This! The biggest problem we have is testing. People with ZERO symptoms are overwhelming ERs because they are home testing themselves. Cheap widely available covid tests is a disaster. You should not be tested if you have no symptoms and if you have symptoms you should have to go to a doctor to be tested.They should charge for these tests. Nothing is free, EVER. Someone is always paying for something the government is giving you. Make people pay $10-$20 for a test and see the cases go down dramatically.
Normally I’m very libertarian about the availability of anything a person wants to buy and anything a manufacturer wants to sell should be unregulated including all things health related. But in this case the impact of millions of delusional hypochondriac morons are fueling more covid hysteria that is continuing to destroy society. Covid tests should be BANNED. Except for licensed practitioners and hospitals.
Furthermore they should not test all hospital patients. Only test if they have covid symptoms. If they come in with a heart attack, let them die of a heart attack untested, because they have proven themselves incapable of logging deaths distinguished as FROM or WITH.
I just watched maskachusetts gov Baker 11 Jan 2021 press conference about rapid tests (https://www.mass.gov/governor-updates)Normal people (a/k/a conservatives) have been saying this for TWO YEARS.
basically, maskachusetts (include the DPH) is recommending the rapid antigen tests for anyone who is symptomatic or an actual close contact of a confirmed case (I think he said symptomatic confirmed case, but I'm not sure). Specifically mentioned was not relying on the PCR test and not needing a PCR to return to work, school, etc.
He also talked about how this week hospitals will begin to report on the number of patients who are "incidental" covid cases rather than being hospitalized because of covid.
They should charge for these tests. Nothing is free, EVER. Someone is always paying for something the government is giving you. Make people pay $10-$20 for a test and see the cases go down dramatically.
Normal people (a/k/a conservatives) have been saying this for TWO YEARS.Of course. It's in Xiden's best interest for the number of cases to go down. It's an election year.
Speaking for Florida, nobody eats dinner at 3:15pm. They start lining up then but Early Bird Specials usually start at 4.
Everything else is spot-on. But it left out the two seasons. Summer and February.
That whole thing is a crock about Florida.(https://media2.giphy.com/media/3oEduUJgrJnTH093yw/giphy.gif)
First you have the spaghetti slurpers who show up at 11AM for the $3.99 all-you-can-eat spaghetti special, take out their teeth and slurp entire plates of pasta.
They are NOT to be confused with the lupper crowd who show up at 2:30 and sip sweet tea with their $6.99 all-you-can-eat buffet, while reminding everyone within shouting range about their “Spectacular” fourth place finish in the badminton championship on the three day, Carnival cruise in 1987.
You should not ignore the golf cart mafia who roar into the only empty parking place at exactly 4:30, firmly fit their US ARMY baseball cap on their head, flick their left hand at their wife, reminding her to order your tea because their bowels just decided to move, and greet every single server by name on their way to the mens room in the back corner.
You can retire to New York City where...
1 You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
You can retire to The Deep South where...
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the end!
This happened yesterday and is important information for our age group. Especially those over 65.
A friend had his 3rd dose of the vaccine "the booster" at the Pharmacy. After the shot he had blurred vision on his way home.
When he did get home, he immediately called the pharmacy for advice about seeing a doctor or to be hospitalized.
He was told NOT to go to a doctor or a hospital, but to immediately return to the pharmacy and pick up his glasses.
Hahaha! I did that recently. Left the house and got halfway out of my neighborhood wondering why everything was so blurry. Had to turn around and go back to get my glasses.
Yeah, "the city." I lived in the Hudson Valley a good bit above NYC, in a decent sized city, yet when someone said "I'm going to the city for the weekend" everyone knew what they meant.
And you missed it a little, it's "Well bless his little heart" said with a sugary sweatness. And, this is no different than "the city" resident adding "just sayin" after a chide remark. Of course Seinfeld made that one famous.
Where did you live?Cool! I was an IBMmer way back in San Jose. Small world.
I lived in Poughkeepsie for IBM once upon a LONG time ago.
Where did you live?With apologies to Gene Hackman,
I lived in Poughkeepsie for IBM once upon a LONG time ago.
Cool! I was an IBMmer way back in San Jose. Small world.
And did you have to wear a white dress shirt and a black tie? Or had they moved on to Oxford shirts and khakis by your time?
Where did you live?
I lived in Poughkeepsie for IBM once upon a LONG time ago.
Back in the day Poughkeepsie was a bedroom community for New York City, westchester, and people moved there because IBM built massive plants all over that area.
Great food, amazing scenery, the Hudson River and wonderful cultural opportunities, besides a magnificent school system.
Like everything else they touch, democrats ruined it.
In the building where I worked we wore black suit, white shirt and red tie. My starting time was 7:12 AM. They staggered arrival and departures to cut down on parking lot friction.
Their employee country club was first rate. Great golf course, wonderful dances and concerts. Montivani, (so) the Harlem Globe Trotters and the boys town choir were just some the events we loved. They had a bowling alley on the basement and it cost 25 cents a game, on the honor system.
They put on bus trips into the city to see broadway shows and concerts at Carnegie Hall. New Years Eve parties with orchestras and dancing.
Now it's a shell of itself, the country club is gone and the plants have been sold off, or closed.
That would be it. I also worked for IBM a long time ago, both at the Poughkeepsie and East Fishkill sites depending.
I had an aunt that lived in Poughkeepsie and some other family members on my Dad's side. We traveled there for some summer vacations. This was back in the 50's
And did you have to wear a white dress shirt and a black tie? Or had they moved on to Oxford shirts and khakis by your time?IBM Santa Theresa Labs, 1980s. We had no customer contact so we could dress however. Khakis and polo were most common. A few suits with management, but the dress code was pretty loose. Sometimes jeans and t-shirts, but those were generally reserved for the deep coders.
Man, these are some awesome jokes!!!!!(https://media3.giphy.com/media/bC9czlgCMtw4cj8RgH/giphy.gif)
(https://media2.giphy.com/media/pzYpaJ1nimTAs/giphy.gif)
Willow! I’m rewatching the whole Buffy series as we speak.
REwatching?
why?
I have two unwritten rules to guide my life:Love it! You should make that into a poster.
#1.
#2.
Love it! You should make that into a poster. (https://emoji.tapatalk-cdn.com/emoji3.png)I thought she was a poster? 8)
I thought she was a poster? 8)Wouldn't that be a postess? Or maybe a posteress?
Wouldn't that be a postess? Or maybe a posteress?
I have two unwritten rules to guide my life:
#1.
#2.
We should borrow a page from the Woke Handbook and just go from actor / actress and call them all actix. Like Latinix. Soon we will all be gender-free. I wish this was a joke.
U.S. Olympic Bobsled Team is gonna name their sled after Joe Biden, because nothing has taken America downhill faster than him.Joe Biden: The Quicker Fucker Upper.
The left is so about nature with their global warming hysteria. What’s more organically natural than there being two genders in most animals and many plants? Yet this basic biological reality is offensive to them.
The left is so about nature with their global warming hysteria. What’s more organically natural than there being two genders in most animals and many plants? Yet this basic biological reality is offensive to them.Only because they WANT to get offended.
No more Italian sausages? How far do you want to go with this foolishness?They are still called Italian sausages, but odds are, you can't have one. That would be Cultural Appropriation.
AVOCADOS
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk"
He replied, "They had avocados."
Dude was either a programmer or an engineer, no doubt.
or a mathematicianOr an anal OCD smartass. (with a sense of humor).
Or an anal OCD smartass. (with a sense of humor).
(https://i.imgur.com/DUPJDPS.jpg)
I walked into the living room a little while ago.
My wife was watching the TV.
She had tears in her eyes and shouted "Don't go in there you silly girl. Stay out of that Church".
I thought she was watching a horror movie, but it turned out to be our wedding video.
“MY girlfriend does not like my beagle Molly. SO I have to rehome her. She is a purebred from a wealthy area and I have had her 4 years. She likes to play games. Not totally trained. Has long hair so she’s a little high maintenance, especially the nails, but she loves having them done. Stays up all night yapping but sleeps while I work. Only eats the best, most expensive food. Will NEVER greet you at the door after a long day or give you unconditional love when you’re down. Does not bite but she can be mean as hell!
So… anyone interested in my 30 year old, selfish, wicked, gold-digging girlfriend? Come and get her! Me and my dog want her re-homed ASAP!”
(https://i.imgur.com/1ZxoK5E.png)
Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg said Friday on ABC’s “The View” that “he’s right” when asked if he agrees with his husband Chasten Buttigieg’s quote that the “Don’t Say Gay” law “will kill kids” while discussing Florida’s recently passed “Parental Rights in Education” law.
Co-host Ana Navarro said, “The first thing I want to say is I am so sorry that you have become the butt of jokes by some really stupid, stupid people when it comes to your paternity.”
Not really a joke, but pretty funny.
https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2022/04/08/buttigieg-floridas-parental-rights-in-education-law-will-kill-kids/
That's crazy. It bans the talk for kindergarten through grade 3. I know of NO ONE in that age group who committed suicide because of gender confusion. Or is that not what they're talking about? How else will it "kill kids"?It was more about Bootijugs being the "butt" of jokes, but I totally agree with your point. It is not the place for schools to teach sexuality of any type to < 4th graders. And even then. Yeah, we all had "sex ed" from our very uncomfortable gym teacher in junior high, but by then we all knew what went where and why. Making it all about "don't say gay" when it's not or all about "kids will die" is pandering to their base and nothing more. I guarantee that none of the critics have actually read the bill.
It was more about Bootijugs being the "butt" of jokes, but I totally agree with your point. It is not the place for schools to teach sexuality of any type to < 4th graders. And even then. Yeah, we all had "sex ed" from our very uncomfortable gym teacher in junior high, but by then we all knew what went where and why. Making it all about "don't say gay" when it's not or all about "kids will die" is pandering to their base and nothing more. I guarantee that none of the critics have actually read the bill.
Next Bond movie....
Stop giving them ideas.
I remember every one of those "moms then" phrases! School lunch was a brown bag with bologna and velveeta with miracle whip on wonder bread. Better living through chemistry! I never understood how me cleaning my plate helped children starving in China.
I remember every one of those "moms then" phrases! School lunch was a brown bag with bologna and velveeta with miracle whip on wonder bread. Better living through chemistry! I never understood how me cleaning my plate helped children starving in China.
I would tell my mom to send my food to China if they were so hungry.
I became very adept and dawdling and being the last person at the table. While Mom cleared up and started the dishes, I’d wait until her back was turned and then slip my icky vegetables into my paper napkin, then act like I was helping by tossing it in the garbage.
We had a long shelf of old National Geographic magazines, and I would point out to her how all the Chinese kids seemed fat enough to me. Africa was a different story.
I think I was only about eight or nine when I realized that Holy Crap, I had won the birth lottery big time by being born in America. That feeling of extreme gratitude has never left me.
I would have gotten my hide tanned if I had said that. I know because my older brother did.
I became very adept and dawdling and being the last person at the table. While Mom cleared up and started the dishes, I’d wait until her back was turned and then slip my icky vegetables into my paper napkin, then act like I was helping by tossing it in the garbage.
...
you are crazy if you think she didn't know what you were doing. Kids usually don't realize that Mom and Dad were once 7 years old...
you are crazy if you think she didn't know what you were doing. Kids usually don't realize that Mom and Dad were once 7 years old...
We had a long shelf of old National Geographic magazines, and I would point out to her how all the Chinese kids seemed fat enough to me. Africa was a different story.Was it Mad Magazine that had a lot of controversy for having a fake ad for a milk chocolate Biafra baby?
Was it Mad Magazine that had a lot of controversy for having a fake ad for a milk chocolate Biafra baby?
To this day I cringe at the thought of cottage cheese with a canned peach on top. I hated that crap. Also the little personal side dish of stewed tomatoes.
Not really a joke.I was working at my brothers home in a Chicago suburb last week. We were watching his old, sick dog while he picked up a son at college. I saw some high school kids get off a bus and walk into his cul de sac. One walked on one side of the street, one walked on the other side of the street, and one hung back about 50 feet.
(https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNzwB8vAmCFlG3TTrPEihENQibkS9BSohU1c3aHJpV5y0jfqdFQ-9tnIrYCLBz_qqWrZK-5fMeFYOaHnwROeUEppPqq4dEM4R01cfTwEh8PiOXp8Edk7KLi631R4RSmaS9SWY78AkuPLFp5EMfXBZyAKDK4o0IYy5NaRMRDVXCbVc1VMTJhZqITuG2/s1284/910.jpeg)
School bus stop is in front of my driveway. The school board tried to give a big fuck you to the community last year by cutting back bussing to only one drop off and one pick up for all kids in the district if we didn't pass the levy.
The levy didn't pass. The bussing got cut back. All the school board got voted out. Hopefully next year when my kid starts kindergarten they fix the bussing. Right now the bus comes at 6:45. Class for him doesn't start until 8:30. So they sit around for an hour doing nothing. And they ride around with kids up to 14 years old. Not happening. No way 5 year olds should be on the bus with teenagers. I'll be driving him if they don't fix it. And we are on the opposite side of town from his school. A 10 minute car ride is a 45 minute bus ride with all the stops. Way too long at his age.
Missing the jokes…just saying. 😏😉
Ha! Thanks Rush for getting it back on track. 😂😂😂
Missing the jokes…just saying.We can all be content providers. Just sayin.
https://autos.yahoo.com/florida-man-passenger-crash-fedex-172900159.html
Secretary = Broad that comes to work Complete with knee pads.
I thought that was White House Intern.
.
that's coldBut a fact.
But a fact.
Depends on the size of the salad and the caliber of the weapon. An M110 howitzer seems unlikely, while a NAA-22S Mini revolver is possible.
that's cold
Do you think that fat, racist, anti American harpy deserves any kind of pass? I don't.
I took it as the kind of “that’s cold” between friends when you get a good one off on someone and you’re being complimented for it. Don’t know if that’s what he meant but that’s how I took it.
You pretty much nailed it
Bob. You're a big Whoopi fan. Right? Lol! No green needed.
Two marines were staring at a telephone pole, when a young sailor came walking by.
“What’s up?” asked the sailor.
One marine replies “Gunny sent us over here to find out how tall this pole is” as both kept looking up scratching their heads.
Sailor replies “Easy man, just pull it out of the ground, lay it down and measure it”. He just laughs and keeps walking.
Both marines look at him, then look at the pole, then look back at the sailor walking away.
Then, the one marine yells out “You stupid fuckin’ squid, Gunny wants to know how tall it is, not how long!”
Isn’t there a way to do that by measuring the shadow and knowing where the sun is and using geometry and angles and stuff to calculate it?
Isn’t there a way to do that by measuring the shadow and knowing where the sun is and using geometry and angles and stuff to calculate it?Are you some kind of engineer or something :D
Are you some kind of engineer or something :D
Yes. You can tell by my lack of sense of humor. Rather than appreciating the point of the joke I go straight to wondering why they don’t implement the obvious math solution.
This is for you Rush.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
Isn’t there a way to do that by measuring the shadow and knowing where the sun is and using geometry and angles and stuff to calculate it?
Simplest: Make a stick that reaches from one stretched-out hand to your nose. Now hold the stick out vertically by that stretched-out hand and walk toward or away from the pole until the stick appears the same height as the pole. Your ground distance from the pole is now equal to the height of the pole. If you know your pace length you can pace out the ground length and find the height of the object. Or use more conventional measuring tape. No trig involved.Find a one-foot stick and put it in the ground. Measure the shadow. This gives you the ratio of shadow to a one foot stick. Measure the shadow of the pole. Apply the ratio and there you go.
This all works because the stick and your stretched arm made a right-angled triangle with equal sides and you've optically established the same equal sided triangle between you and the top of the pole.
Sorry - back to the jokes!
Find a one-foot stick and put it in the ground. Measure the shadow. This gives you the ratio of shadow to a one foot stick. Measure the shadow of the pole. Apply the ratio and there you go.
Or pick up the phone and ask the power company.
Alternate: Guess it's ten feet tall. Boss doesn't agree and measures it himself. Ask him what he got as a measurement and blame the difference on a transposition error.
That one is true! Our first daughter was conceived on New Year’s Eve when we got drunk.
I don't think that is quite the reason... more to it than you getting drunk...
Alternate: Guess it's ten feet tall. Boss doesn't agree and measures it himself. Ask him what he got as a measurement and blame the difference on a transposition error.
Wait. Alcohol doesn't cause sex? Who knew??? ;D
Thanks. I’ve been trying to think of a snappy comeback and was drawing a blank.
Thanks. I’ve been trying to think of a snappy comeback and was drawing a blank.
would alcohol have helped or made it more difficult?
I confess that I don't drink and so wouldn't know from personal experience.
That one is true! Our first daughter was conceived on New Year’s Eve when we got drunk.Lol. My daughter was born on 9/23. We had a nice Christmas and New Years too!
Well crap.. I think my license might be in jeopardy..
and all just because of a state trooper...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over on my bike:
Trooper: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
Trooper: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"
Me: "A car."
Trooper:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Trooper:"So, you're drunk."
Me:"But I didn't drink anything."
Trooper:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?
Me:"A motorcycle."
Trooper:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Trooper:"As I suspected, you're drunk!"
Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
Me: "So... counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"
Trooper:"A prostitute of course."
Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"
Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend... once I get out of the hospital.
Yep.
^^^^^^That would imply that the one with the large hole was well used. I have some serious doubts about that.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
That would imply that the one with the large hole was well used. I have some serious doubts about that.
Need to raise the tone of this thread! ;DI love MTG!
https://gab.com/RealMarjorieGreene/posts/108608658069615047
Real definition of Woke.
.And, with Uncle Sam that's once a month.
.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220808/83a2b416114ec0624b69ad4cc8191c10.jpg)
The Hot Air Balloon....I’ve heard this identical joke, except that the balloonist was a woman, and the engineer on the ground was a man.
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman, “how did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is that I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”
The woman below responded, “You must be a politician.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.
^^^That’s more truth than joke.
I don’t care who you are…
that there is funny!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220906/d53ef3f5f3601db6dbc97a5a76169a91.jpg)
Sad and painful… but true.Ye. I wish we had a “Truth Thread” but the joke thread had to do.
I understand the Massachusetts National Guard has been asked to return to Martha’s Vineyard to look for one of the illegal immigrants that got missed. Apparently he fooled them the first time by showing a fake birth certificate from Hawaii.
All too true. :(
Says it all. Ewwww!I won’t comment on Rush’s post directly as I don’t want that picture to pop up, but dear God, do companies think this marketing works? Catering to the 1% weirdos?
I won’t comment on Rush’s post directly as I don’t want that picture to pop up, but dear God, do companies think this marketing works? Catering to the 1% weirdos?
I won’t comment on Rush’s post directly as I don’t want that picture to pop up, but dear God, do companies think this marketing works? Catering to the 1% weirdos?
No. They're marketing to the 50% Woke Public who embrace this utter CRAP. Virtue Signalers all. Look how evolved I am, they think. Douche Bags.I can’t believe it’s 50% who embrace this crap. My guess is 10-20%, but it’s a loud 10-20%.
I can’t believe it’s 50% who embrace this crap. My guess is 10-20%, but it’s a loud 10-20%.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210106/8ed3c8521b7314998b01080d94734a97.jpg)
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, with a gun in her hand. As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled mightily and managed to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration :
"HECK! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"
stolen from POA and before it gets deleted:
https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-293/242292/20221003125252896_35295545_1-22.10.03%20-%20Novak-Parma%20-%20Onion%20Amicus%20Brief.pdf
stolen from POA and before it gets deleted:
https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-293/242292/20221003125252896_35295545_1-22.10.03%20-%20Novak-Parma%20-%20Onion%20Amicus%20Brief.pdf
Wanna torture someone? Have them listen to ALL of this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMnJ_NdU7jM&t=49s
also posted on POA... but I bet that post doesn't last long...Yep, I put it there just to see what would happen. ;D Still there, moderators must be sleeping.
Is there an echo in the room?? :o
Is there an echo in the room?? :o
Is there an echo in the room?? :o
You didn't notice the difference?
Edit to add that it is funny shit whoever's ox is being gored.
Oh, yes, I forgot. You're also one that likes to "fact check" jokes as well............... ::)
You must be the life of a party......... ;)
This is the joke thread and I'm laughing. I even made a joke and you are the one to complain. That right there is funny.
I've been an REI member for decades but rarely go there anymore as it is so Far Left and the people that work there are smug, lefty assholes, mostly.
So I was at REI, and …Why does that not shock me. I like that store, but there are plenty others to choose from.
(http://)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPte54gi0d8
I demand that Old Crow and texasag93 be banned!!! BANNED, I say!!!Done! Here’s a video of the MC members at our convention in Vegas las month. We were determining punishment for violators.
;D ;D ;D ;D
.
I'm 4 of the 7.
Let me guess, white and black mixed, straight and atheist? White, gay, religious pirate?
I’m two of them. White and straight. I’m neither religious nor atheist, not a pirate and not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I'm the one that voted Democrat.
newsbloopers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSUjXhWuGSc
look at the whatisonearthisthat at 5:47.
Oh my goodness...
Could have been one of my friends in 1972.
I have no problem with these guys. I have a problem with them participating in women’s sports. And a problem if they bring that into elementary schools. But I have a problem bringing hetero sex into elementary schools too. But back in 1972 they would not have dreamed of doing these things.
However my biggest problem with these guys is they vote Democrat.
https://babylonbee.com/news/top-10-christmas-gift-ideas-for-the-joe-biden-fan-in-your-life
Did you click on the ad for the doll and watch the video the maker made of the doll on sale in a store?
https://www.bigguyofficial.com/ (https://www.bigguyofficial.com/)
Did you click on the ad for the doll and watch the video the maker made of the doll on sale in a store?
https://www.bigguyofficial.com/ (https://www.bigguyofficial.com/)
English majors vindicated.
(http://)
Lol!!! I lived in Lexington, KY for 3.5 years. My ex wife (the last one) told me many of the poor, small towns went from making Moonshine to Meth when Meth became a big thing.
Did that have something to do with coal mining jobs going away?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20221129/fe6c167ad38bf9d32bff1feebb745deb.jpg)
I liked playing soccer back when I was young and fit enough to do so, but good god is it boring as hell to watch.It might be interesting if they made the field about 1/2 its size now. A lot less "he's running! and now the other guy is running! And now they are all running!" Sheesh. And add tackling. Maybe make the ball less round so it can bounce in interesting ways. Hm... I think I just invented Rugby.
It might be interesting if they made the field about 1/2 its size now. A lot less "he's running! and now the other guy is running! And now they are all running!" Sheesh. And add tackling. Maybe make the ball less round so it can bounce in interesting ways. Hm... I think I just invented Rugby.I used to be on the board of the Quad Cities Sports Center, a two-rink ice facility that they periodically used for indoor soccer on one of the dry rinks. That seemed much more entertaining, with the dasher boards, smaller nets, checking, etc.
I liked playing soccer back when I was young and fit enough to do so, but good god is it boring as hell to watch.Last week Matt Walsh said, with regard to the World Cup, something like “I don’t mind soccer. It’s a nice hobby … for kids … if you want them to be communist.”
I used to be on the board of the Quad Cities Sports Center, a two-rink ice facility that they periodically used for indoor soccer on one of the dry rinks. That seemed much more entertaining, with the dasher boards, smaller nets, checking, etc.
I liked playing soccer back when I was young and fit enough to do so, but good god is it boring as hell to watch.
Wisconsin guy reminds me of Midwest Siri.Charlie Berens is brilliant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_8n2q5iI4E
.
.Perhaps I am just dense and don't get the joke,
Perhaps I am just dense and don't get the joke,
but I'd love to have one of those.
Biden is trying to outlaw gas stoves.So then only outlaws can have gas stoves.
So then only outlaws can have gas stoves.
I'm sure glad we live in such a free country.
Supposedly they "walked it back" after the backlash. No they meant only new ones can't be manufactured. Apparently they aren't coming after existing ones. Yeah, no, that's not "walking it back".My wife is a pastry chef and she is furious. We sold our home where we had a huge Viking stove, and plan to build a new place in the Wisconsin Northwoods within the next 2 years for retirement. She’s pissed and panicked, and is contemplating buying a big stove and storing it for a couple years.
We have a glasstop that I despise and we are planning at some point to convert to gas when we feel like tearing up our kitchen to get a line to the stove area. I will not abide a ban on new gas cooktops. I had one when I was 20 in an apartment and not since, always wanted one again. I already despise the Democrats but this will be the final straw.
My wife is a pastry chef and she is furious. We sold our home where we had a huge Viking stove, and plan to build a new place in the Wisconsin Northwoods within the next 2 years for retirement. She’s pissed and panicked, and is contemplating buying a big stove and storing it for a couple years.
I’m hoping this dies a quick death. Then again it was George Bush who outlawed incandescent light bulbs.
Then again it was George Bush who outlawed incandescent light bulbs.
Speaking of..., is it just me or has anyone else noticed that LEDs don't last nearly as long as they are supposed to?Made in China are crap. There are some good, long-life LED bulbs out there, but takes some searching and research.
Speaking of..., is it just me or has anyone else noticed that LEDs don't last nearly as long as they are supposed to?
My wife is a pastry chef and she is furious. We sold our home where we had a huge Viking stove, and plan to build a new place in the Wisconsin Northwoods within the next 2 years for retirement. She’s pissed and panicked, and is contemplating buying a big stove and storing it for a couple years.I hope you don't buy the stove, then cannot get gas.
I’m hoping this dies a quick death. Then again it was George Bush who outlawed incandescent light bulbs.
generally, LED bulbs last... but the electronics driving the LEDs crap out...That's pretty much a meaningless distinction. Sort of like the surgery was a success, but the patient died.
That's pretty much a meaningless distinction. Sort of like the surgery was a success, but the patient died.
Kind of like the distinction between a ballast and the bulb.I didn't know that you could replace the electronics of an LED without replacing the LED like I have done with many Fluorescent light ballasts.
You know what is the most toxic to people’s health? Liberal bossy-pants interfering assholes.
(http://)
I grow tired of these controlling assholes. Leave me the fuck alone.
but don't you like clean air and water?
(green font for those that don't detect the sarcasm)
It fascinates me how suddenly the leftist, communist party can coalesce around whatever new bullshit lie they are pushing.
From zero to total devotion in a few hours...
You would think someone was managing them all.
My wife came home from shopping saying what a miserable bitch the clerk at the store was.
I asked her if she used the self checkout register.
like sleeping on the couch, do ya?
RIP.
This was a stolen joke. I would not be on this side of the dirt if I ever said that to my wife. I may end up dead if I ever thought it!
That is what my buddy said.
This was a stolen joke. I would not be on this side of the dirt if I ever said that to my wife. I may end up dead if I ever thought it!
My husband calls me a caustic bitch all the time, usually just after I call him an asshole. Then we make out. ;D
This was one of my wife's christmas presents.
As a Georgia Tech grad, the version I heard ended with
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy with Biden?”
As a Georgia Tech grad, the version I heard ended withOf course you meant to say the repeat national champion dawgs ;D
"How 'bout them Dawgs?" (For you non college-football fans, that refers to University of Georgia Bulldogs).
But your ending is better.
Of course you meant to say the repeat national champion dawgs ;DYeah. I left out the part about the ignorant, genetically freaky and bought and paid for national champs.
stolen from POA before some snowflake complains...
Actually I think the actor that played that kid ended up a Walmart greater.
(http://)
I don't get the joke.....
It is EXACTLY like something my husband would say.So there I am sitting next to my wife... she's down with the flu. Fever, head about to explode in a shower of snot, pain in every joint so she can't even reach for the chicken soup, trying to be comfortable under a pile of blankets. I ask her, what are you making me for dinner? I'm REALLY glad she knows me very well.
I’m writing out valentine cards…….
Is “motherfucker” one word, or two?
Thanks.
I am interested in learning that myself.....
Yes. Inquiring minds want know.
A co-worker reminded me a week or so ago I actually have to come up with something for Valentines day this year. I responded that Valentines Day was invented by Women to point out how much of a FAILURE Men are. This is nerve wracking.
If you feel like spending money:
https://www.vosgeschocolate.com/
Thanks Rush. They're unique so that's good.
They are unique and very delicious but extremely expensive on a per gram basis. You’re paying for outstanding packaging too. It’s a once in a great while treat for us. Usually we get John Kelly chocolate. Also excellent and not so hoidy toidy so much more value for your money.
Yeah, I'm thinking that and a candlelight dinner at my place or something like that. Oh vey. This is hard. ;D
You’re not gonna do what I think you might be getting ready to do, are you?
<must resist>
Hard work. You guys!!! ;DAnd here I was starting to admire you, that at your age you could still get . . .
No. God forbid!!!
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=3223;image)
(http://)
Not really a joke...
(https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2023/02/full-42020-381700-cfa8ab44_3cd4_46ef_8f13_332e79a5d9c4.jpeg)
Love it. I’m an engineer, my husband’s an engineer, and both our daughters married engineers. I’m forwarding this to all of them.
And no, I do not particularly like hugs.
Love it. I’m an engineer, my husband’s an engineer, and both our daughters married engineers. I’m forwarding this to all of them.
And no, I do not particularly like hugs.
Christ, my 5 year old is destined to be an engineer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myF6Nlz0EBo
Christ, my 5 year old is destined to be an engineer.
My husband’s Mom says when he was a kid it was common to come across him surrounded by parts of things he’d taken apart. She said he usually got the stuff reassembled.
Regarding the all-LGPTQ United plane...
This flight took almost 3 hours longer than it should have to arrive at its destination.
It had trouble flying straight.
Regarding the all-LGPTQ United plane...
This flight took almost 3 hours longer than it should have to arrive at its destination.
It had trouble flying straight.
Airline I flew at did this with 4 black females, Capt and FO, and both flight attendants. Advertised it as a coincidence that they ended up scheduled to fly together. It wasn’t. Just for the company to say it was the first all black female crew.Is that supposed to be an honor, or evidence of segregation? Isn't (wasn't) segregation a bad thing? I think it still is unless you are black and you choose not to allow whites, then it is ok.
Is that supposed to be an honor, or evidence of segregation? Isn't (wasn't) segregation a bad thing? I think it still is unless you are black and you choose not to allow whites, then it is ok.
Airline I flew at did this with 4 black females, Capt and FO, and both flight attendants. Advertised it as a coincidence that they ended up scheduled to fly together. It wasn’t. Just for the company to say it was the first all black female crew.
The Funds run by Progressives, like Black Rock, appear to buy up large amounts of shares in these companies and then pressure them into being woke.
.
What tribe is he from?
I think they mean from India.
I know. Just my stupid sense of humor. ;D ::)
I know you know. I was just bored and wanted to push your buttons. ;D
Trying to push me out of my role? :D
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!That's exactly the way the liberal media around here treats DeSantis!
for Anthony (although I figure you've seen it...)
Probably not really a joke, but hey ;D
(http://)
I just stole that!
https://youtube.com/shorts/L9WvKmvOI5A?feature=share
Supposedly the entire marketing department has been fired. Don’t know if it’s true.
https://patriotpartypress.com/true-anheuser-busch-fired-its-entire-marketing-department-over-biggest-mistake-in-budweiser-history/
No, it’s not true:
https://apnews.com/article/fact-checking-ap-check-656908474339
https://southwoke.com/
The Bee strikes again. Yesterday, legacy blue check marks were removed from non-paying verified account.
Original on twitter:
https://twitter.com/i/status/1645441748393684995
Hahahahahaha!!! That is awesome!!!!!!
Did it get removed from YouTube?Just checked at 1423 EDT and it was still there.
Another hockey stick graphI’m stealing that.
"In Living Color" was great. No PC bullshit and they made fun of Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, Gays, etc.
What about Archie Bunker? Blazing Saddles? No way woke Hollyweird would make those.Yet we can see documentaries of trans kids and their moms getting upset that the kid isn’t using their vagina spreaders.
Yet we can see documentaries of trans kids and their moms getting upset that the kid isn’t using their vagina spreaders.
We are so fucked up as a society.
Yet we can see documentaries of trans kids and their moms getting upset that the kid isn’t using their vagina spreaders.Vagina Spreader? It only took me 70 years to hear about that. :(
We are so fucked up as a society.
Vagina Spreader? It only took me 70 years to hear about that. :(
(https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2023/05/full-40213-389252-romance.jpg)
(http://www.pilotspin.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3180.0;attach=3426;image)
Sort of true.
Boobs are important too.
I had a "discussion" with one of my gf's female friends who maintained it's the same when a male transitions to female and dates a males as when a real woman dates a male. I told her the vast majority of men would NOT date a Trans female. I said it was a huge deal breaker for me. She couldn't understand why. WTF!
Wow. No it is not at all the same. Not at all. This has been confirmed by people in the trans community, not the crazies, but the realists. Other than the odd allegedly straight man who is into “shemales” as a kink, trans women can write off straight men. Their pool is other trans, period.
Sort of true.I have no idea how that paragraph about "a discussion with one of my gf's female friends" got into my post. I assume that was an Anthony post, but it wasn't in my post. Weird.
Boobs are important too.
I had a "discussion" with one of my gf's female friends who maintained it's the same when a male transitions to female and dates a males as when a real woman dates a male. I told her the vast majority of men would NOT date a Trans female. I said it was a huge deal breaker for me. She couldn't understand why. WTF!
I have no idea how that paragraph about "a discussion with one of my gf's female friends" got into my post. I assume that was an Anthony post, but it wasn't in my post. Weird.
I have no idea how that paragraph about "a discussion with one of my gf's female friends" got into my post. I assume that was an Anthony post, but it wasn't in my post. Weird.
I fucked up and hit the wrong tab and thought I deleted it. All my fault. I was trying to quote you Joe. Lol.
I have no idea how that paragraph about "a discussion with one of my gf's female friends" got into my post. I assume that was an Anthony post, but it wasn't in my post. Weird.I was going to ask what your wife thought of your gf. Lol
I was going to ask what your wife thought of your gf. Lol
I had a "discussion" with one of my gf's female friends who maintained that it was OK for a Trans male to female have a relationship with a biological, hetero male. I told her, no, that's a huge deal breaker for me and the vast majority of hetero males. She couldn't understand why. Hello! It's a dude with a fake vagina!!! WTF? Indoctrination.
So? This is PS. Ain't nobody moderating or telling us what to post where?
Edit: Yikes! This is the joke thread. Sorry, I’m out.
Just let us marry.
Bake our cakes.
Use our pronouns.
https://twitter.com/libsoftiktok/status/1673059174211633152
Disgusting
Just let us marry.Go ahead. I don't give a shit. Just don't demand that I cheer for you.
Bake our cakes.Fuck you.
Use our pronouns.I'll use whatever pronoun I want. Is "fuck you" a pronoun?
The worst part of all that is the demand that we respect and raise the pay of public school teachers.Good public school teachers should make more.
Good public school teachers should make more.
Most of the current public school teachers should be fired and replaced with good, higher paid teachers.
A couple travels to the Holy Land with the mother in law. While on vacation, the mother in law falls ill and passes away.
At the funeral director, he tells the couple “You have two options, the first is we prepare your dear mother and have her shipped back to the US for burial. The cost is $10,000. “
“Your second option is we can prepare and bury her here, and that would cost $200”
The husband speaks up and says “ We’ll have her shipped back to the US”
The funeral director then tells the husband , “but Sir, you could have her buried here in the most beautiful and holy places on earth for far less”.
The husband thinks, then says “ A couple of thousand years ago, your people buried a man here, and three days later he arose from the dead”……………” There’s no way I can take that chance.”
I wonder who they are talking about?
District Director
Internal Revenue Service
Department of the Treasury
United States Government
To: All Male Taxpayers
From: The IRS
Subject: Increased Tax Payments
Dear Taxpayer:
The only thing that the Internal Revenue Service has not taxed is your pecker. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off, 20% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is employed - but only operates in the hole. Furthermore, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
Accordingly, after January 1, 1986, your pecker will be taxed, based on its size, using the "Pecker Checker Scale" below. Determine your category and insert the additional tax under "Other Taxes", Page 2, Part Y, Line 69, of your standard Income Tax Return (Form 1040).
PECKER CHECKER SCALE
10-12 inches: LUXURY Tax $500
8-10 inches: POLE Tax $250
6-8 inches: PRIVILEGE Tax $150
4-6 inches: NUISANCE Tax $50
NOTE:
-Anything over 12 inches should be filed under "Excessive Capital Gains" and the outside of the envelop marked "ATTN: BETTY LOU".
-Anything under 4 inches is eligible for a refund
-Under this new tax, please - DO NOT FILE FOR AN EXTENSION!
Very Truly Yours,
Dunken J. Cutchapeckeroff
District Director
Internal Revenue Service
I'm getting a refund!
Hollywood has made itself irrelevant. It used to be the stuff deams were made of, like that great line in The Maltese Falcon, a real movie. Now, it's just a frigging joke.
I could be a Hollywood writer. Take an old movie, make the main character a different sex or color. Make the supporting characters all trans, gay, or from repressed background or race . Take the plot, remove all the good stuff, and put in a bunch of woke, social justice issues. Do I have the job?
. Fucking assholes.
You've just summarized exactly what they're doing in a very succinct manner. You could get a job there in three of your Earth minutes.
I was watching a movie (streaming with ads) and a commercial came on with a black/white couple and their two mixed race kids. Plus their golden retriever could talk. ::)
I thought to myself, watch, the next commercial will feature Gays and that is exactly what happened. I just shook my head in disgust. If aliens landed they'd think 90% of the population is Black or LGBTQxyz+. Fucking assholes.
That is exactly what they do.Ew.
No he couldn’t. He’s a straight white male. At least as far as I know…
No he couldn’t. He’s a straight white male. At least as far as I know…
Nah saw it right away but of course I slobbered over the one in the ireground. 😎
Nah saw it right away but of course I slobbered over the one in the ireground. 😎
(https://i.imgur.com/RP6pLi0.jpg)
.
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."
Anything!https://youtu.be/uRQ12qjiDBQ
(but that).
https://twitter.com/JackPosobiec/status/1692189888588784068?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1692189888588784068%7Ctwgr%5E164200980360a556f4e241157c163965f7cfedda%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Frantingly.com%2F (https://twitter.com/JackPosobiec/status/1692189888588784068?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1692189888588784068%7Ctwgr%5E164200980360a556f4e241157c163965f7cfedda%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Frantingly.com%2F)Surely a parody. She's not blonde.
Surely a parody. She's not blonde.
LOS ANGELES, CA — As Hurricane Hilary prepares to make landfall in Southern California, the World Meteorological Organization has announced that all deaths resulting from the storm will be ruled as suicides.
"We are seeing Hilary continue to weaken as it approaches the West Coast, so we have high hopes that it will not cause any, um... suicides," said meteorologist Fritz McBeely to reporters. "But we must be aware, this storm is highly unpredictable and could potentially suicide anyone foolish enough to stand in its way."
Local authorities in Los Angeles have warned their people to board up windows, stack sandbags, and refuse to testify against the hurricane in a court of law in order to avoid being suicided. "The threat is real," warned McBeely.
At publishing time, several weather sources had confirmed that they are struggling to track the storm as their weather prediction servers were mysteriously drenched in bleach and smashed with a hammer overnight.
https://babylonbee.com/news/deaths-caused-by-hurricane-hilary-to-be-labeled-suicides
Deaths Caused By Hurricane Hilary To Be Labeled Suicides
WORLD
·
Aug 18, 2023
The sad thing about that joke is that everyone knows exactly what it means and who they are accusing.
Surely a parody. She's not blonde.
(https://i.imgur.com/dn2BKxh.png)
They could also spit in it.... or worse.
They could also spit in it.... or worse.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230927/16d4e19a29db01dc616cb5772525374e.jpg)
Bears have nothing on the Browns.
(https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2023/10/full-1274-401514-born.jpg)
https://twitter.com/drefanzor/status/1708625242892190074
The person that posted this video admitted in a comment that this video is digitally altered.
twitter.com/drefanzor/stat…
Still funny, I don't care who ya are.
There are going to be a lot of young people who won't get this at all.
Thanks, Rush. Could do worse than starting off the day watching Andy Griffith clips. Except they do illustrate starkly how far our culture has fallen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3yZVLfFvRg
Good Old Floyd...
I just recently read that he had a stroke which paralyzed half his body. The last two years of the show, they never showed him standing alone -- he was always sitting or leaning against his chair.
Interesting. Strokes terrify me.FIL and my Mother had strokes.
FIL and my Mother had strokes.
I’ve already sent that one to my husband to alert him to that awful scam!
(https://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/userpics/2023/10/full-250-404095-mattperry2.jpg)You owe my firm a new laptop because I spit my water on the screen.
Too soon?
Stolen from Twitter: https://twitter.com/HilzFuld/status/1719689381051547680
*WHEN A FLY FALLS INTO A CUP OF COFFEE . . .*
*The Italian –* throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.
*The German –* carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.
*The Frenchman –* takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
*The Chinese –* eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
*The Russian –* Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
*The Israeli –* sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea, and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
*The Palestinian –* blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian so there will be peace.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20231105/4d2d6c70b6b7ff0da61b08e6c35842d8.jpg)
I already woke up this morning totally confused having no idea if it was 5 am, 4 am, or 6 am as I was trying to make my coffee. Didn’t know if hubby had already reset the kitchen clocks the night before or not, and even if he did, I didn’t know whether my brain thought it was earlier or later than whatever the clocks said.Atomic clocks. Pretty much just leaves the microwave and range to reset. I really like our atomic clocks, but for some reason they don’t want to make pretty ones. Still. Precise and update themselves.
I already woke up this morning totally confused having no idea if it was 5 am, 4 am, or 6 am as I was trying to make my coffee. Didn’t know if hubby had already reset the kitchen clocks the night before or not, and even if he did, I didn’t know whether my brain thought it was earlier or later than whatever the clocks said.
Just look at your phone.
My phone was in the other room. You think I carry that thing around before coffee?
I use my phone as my morning alarm, so I don't worry about daylight savings or not, and yes, it's with me from wake up to bed. However, I wear a wristwatch religiously and adjust that when needed. I feel naked without my watch or phone.
I can't even hear my phone until I put my hearing aids inSame here.
in and I'm not doing that either before coffee.Same here.
Neither do I wear watches anymore.Same here.
They all have nickle alloy backings and I'm violently allergic to them.Same reason, except that I'm not "violently alergic" but the all seem to turn my wrist green.
I can't even hear my phone until I put my hearing aids in and I'm not doing that either before coffee. Neither do I wear watches anymore. They all have nickle alloy backings and I'm violently allergic to them.
Yes, I keep forgetting about your hearing. So sorry. The vast majority of my watches are dive watches and made from 316L surgical steel. However, I'm not allergic to Nickel or other metals/elements. If you want to wear a watch again, start there.
Same here.Same here.Same here.Same reason, except that I'm not "violently alergic" but the all seem to turn my wrist green.
But I do keep my phone next to my bed and use it as a bedside clock.
Also, I'm retired. I really don't care if I get up at 4am or 5 or 6, or even as late as 7.
Wow, these jokes just get better and better!LOL
Don't wear my watch any more. I notice so many folks with the smart watches now. My wife uses her phone for an alarm. In the bedroom we also have an Echo Dot that has a clock built in. When we're out an about the phone is with me so I have a clock I can look at.If I were to allow an Echo Dot in my house, I think the bedroom is the LAST place I would allow it. I don't care too much if someone listens as I am making a chicken soup in the kitchen.
Wow, these jokes just get better and better!A friend of mine bought me a watch that has stopped working, but I haven’t told him yet. It’s never the right time.
If I were to allow an Echo Dot in my house, I think the bedroom is the LAST place I would allow it. I don't care too much if someone listens as I am making a chicken soup in the kitchen.
I need to get this for this year’s Army-Navy game.I gave it a "like" because it is true. I played "Army" as a kid.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20231122/8ae0141bc7c6fdffa01709be22929ac2.jpg)
I need to get this for this year’s Army-Navy game.My mother was Army and my father was Navy. Made the game really exciting!
I gave it a "like" because it is true. I played "Army" as a kid.We watched Combat with Vic Morrow, and then went out to play Army. I had a wood and steel toy M-1 Garand (the kind used by high school bands it crumb and bugle corps). I got "shot", threw my rifle in the air and collapsed from my wounds. Steel rifle barrel came straight down on my forehead resulting in 6 stitches. The neighborhood didn't issue Purple Hearts however.
But I still pull for Navy because my family history is primarily Navy.
We watched Combat with Vic Morrow, and then went out to play Army. I had a wood and steel toy M-1 Garand (the kind used by high school bands it crumb and bugle corps). I got "shot", threw my rifle in the air and collapsed from my wounds. Steel rifle barrel came straight down on my forehead resulting in 6 stitches. The neighborhood didn't issue Purple Hearts however."Combat" was at the root of a few of the times we got hurt and in trouble, and like you, a lot of the time it was the dramatic death fall.
We watched Combat with Vic Morrow, and then went out to play Army. I had a wood and steel toy M-1 Garand (the kind used by high school bands it crumb and bugle corps). I got "shot", threw my rifle in the air and collapsed from my wounds. Steel rifle barrel came straight down on my forehead resulting in 6 stitches. The neighborhood didn't issue Purple Hearts however.
Ouch!It was a war wound. It was cool.
It was a war wound. It was cool.Chicks dig scars.
Chicks dig scars.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20231130/2b1102330fde4c87334d68b436cdcbf2.jpg)
ok, I'll admit that I don't understand the joke...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20231130/2b1102330fde4c87334d68b436cdcbf2.jpg)
Parody on a commercial about giving a puppy to someone for Christmas as it is a 15 year commitment?Exactly. Or a tortoise, which can live 150 years.
Exactly. Or a tortoise, which can live 150 years.
Jesus this is a dense, humorless crowd. ;)
Parody on a commercial about giving a puppy to someone for Christmas as it is a 15 year commitment?
ah, so the fact that I don't watch commercials would be an explanation of why I didn't understand the joke.
When I watched the movie "Airplane", I missed many of the jokes because I hadn't watched any of the Airport movies. When I eventually did watch some of the Airport movies, I was laughing at some parts because of the "Airplane" movie.
That’s probably why I didn’t get it either. I never watch TV anymore.
.
I do know the 49ers would loved to have found one more point. 8)
.Also got up,
(https://i.imgur.com/W6jJDL1.gif)
Desperate for cash, FJB joins Pornhub
Dear Jim:Now you know why physicists never get invited to parties.
That was painful.
Love, Becky
Now you know why physicists never get invited to parties.
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