An Albanian, a Czechoslovakian and a Bohemian went hunting. They came upon a couple of bears and one of the bears swallowed the Czechoslovakian.

The Albanian and Bohemian raised their rifles to shoot the bears and recover their buddy, but the bears were too quick and got away. The two hunters, intent on recovering their friend tracked the bears shooting wolves and mountain lions along the way.

When they finally crept up on the offending bears they realized that between them they had only one shot left.

What should we do? Asked the bewildered Albanian. We only have one bullet and we don't know which bear has our friend. With that the Bohemian raised his rifle and with his last shot dispatched the bear and out jumped their friend.

Brilliant, cried the Albanian. But how did you know which bear to shoot? Easy, said the Bohemian. One was a mamma bear. The other was a poppa, and as anyone should know, the Czech's always in the male.

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship with her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious.

The query:

Dear Tech Support,

"Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed: Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck

Tech Support

Trump texted me and told me. He’s also begging me to come to Mar A Largo and take a selfie with him. The guy won’t leave me alone.

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Walmart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.


One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.""Yes sir, I know, and I am working on it.""Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.”“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder.”


Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “It's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"


The old man looked down at the floor and smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,"They usually saluted and said, 'Good morning General, may I get your coffee Sir?'"

Go Air Force!

A few days before the winner announced my wife mentioned about her ( being AF retired) and I said she’ll never win, she’s white, smart, educated, and beautiful. How about that she won!

AND an actual woman!!

 The Desert Heat

A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that strange head piece you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, my son, it is a chechia, In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."

"And what is this clothing you are wearing?" asked the boy. "This long flowing robe seems so strange."

"Oh, my son," exclaimed the father, "It is very simple. This is a djbellah. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body.``

The son then asked, "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?"

"These are babouches, my son," the father replied. "You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet."

"So, tell me then," added the boy. "Why are you living in Portland, Oregon and still wearing all that shit?"