PILOT SPIN
Spin Zone => Spin Zone => Topic started by: Lucifer on March 13, 2020, 06:36:50 AM
-
• If a mentally-ill dude pretends to be a woman, you are required to pretend with him.
• Some how It’s un-American for the census to count how many Americans are in America.
• Russians influencing our elections are bad, but illegal Mexicans voting in our elections are good.
• It was cool for Joe Biden to blackmail the President of Ukraine, but it’s an impeachable offense if Donald Trump inquires about it.
• Twenty is too young to drink a beer, but eighteen is old enough to vote.
• Sexualizing children is bad, but 11-year-old drag queens are good.
• Illegals aren’t required to show ID, but citizens can’t buy cough medicine without it.
• Citizens are fined if they don’t buy their own health insurance, and then they are forced to buy it for illegals.
• People who have never owned slaves should pay slavery reparations to people who have never been slaves.
• Inflammatory rhetoric is outrageous, but harassing people in restaurants is virtuous.
• People who have never been to college should pay the debts of college students who took out huge loans for useless degrees.
• Immigrants with tuberculosis and polio are welcome, but you’d better be able to prove your dog is vaccinated.
• Irish doctors and German engineers who want to immigrate must go through a rigorous vetting process, but any illiterate Central-American gang-banger who jumps the southern fence is welcome.
• $5 billion for border security is too expensive, but $1.5 trillion for “free” health care for illegals is not.
• If you cheat to get into college you go to prison, but if you cheat to get into the country you go to college for free.
• Politicians who say that the President is not above the law put illegal immigrants above the law.
• People who say there is no such thing as gender are demanding a female President.
• Illegals don’t pay taxes, but they get tax refunds.
• We see other countries going Socialist and collapsing, and it seems like a great plan to us.
• Voter suppression is bad, but not allowing the President to be on the ballot is good.
• Fourth-of-July parades are bad, but parades of women dressed as vaginas are good.
• Some people are held responsible for things that happened before they were born, and other people are not held responsible for what they are doing right now.
• criminals are catch and released to hurt more people but stopping them is bad
-
CALLER: Is this Gordon’s Pizza?
GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: OK! That’s what I want …
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I detest vegetable!
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How the hell do you know!
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER; I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!
GOOGLE: I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without Internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…
-
I bought a couple new thermostats (14 of them) yesterday online. An hour later the same thermostat showed up as an ad on my wife's facebook feed.
-
I bought a couple new thermostats (14 of them) yesterday online. An hour later the same thermostat showed up as an ad on my wife's facebook feed.
I just ordered a good old fashioned mercury thermometer online. I’ve had it with digital thermometers. The battery goes dead, the electronics screw up, the button pushing and the beeping is annoying, and they don’t feel right in my mouth.
-
I just ordered a good old fashioned mercury thermometer online. I’ve had it with digital thermometers. The battery goes dead, the electronics screw up, the button pushing and the beeping is annoying, and they don’t feel right in my mouth.
Q:You do know how to tell the difference between an oral and anal thermometer, right?
A: Taste.
-
I just ordered a good old fashioned mercury thermometer online. I’ve had it with digital thermometers. The battery goes dead, the electronics screw up, the button pushing and the beeping is annoying, and they don’t feel right in my mouth.
I've had good luck with them in the past. Problem is my new house has a thermostat for each room.
-
Q:You do know how to tell the difference between an oral and anal thermometer, right?
A: Taste.
Hahaha! Actually back when I was a kid, we used the same for both, and soaked them in alcohol after washing thoroughly with soap. That’s no worse than when your doctor uses a (hopefully sterilized) scope for your colonoscopy that he’s used on strangers, in fact that’s a much worse yuck factor as far as I’m concerned. I’d rather have molecules of my own poop in my mouth, or the poop of my baby, than molecules of multiple strangers’ poop up my colon.
But that’s when I was a kid, it ain’t gonna happen today, it will be strictly mouth only, although the one I found online has the round bulb for supposedly anal use. It really doesn’t matter, they register the same.