PILOT SPIN
Spin Zone => Spin Zone => Topic started by: Number7 on December 13, 2018, 12:37:50 PM
-
One day, Timmy comes home early from school, and walks inside to see his mom on top of his dad – both nakked. Timmy just stares, confused as to what they’re doing.
The mom says, “Timmy? Go to your room, I’ll be up in a bit.”
So Timmy goes upstairs to his room. Later his mom comes up and sits down next to him.
She asks, “Timmy, what did you see?”
Timmy replies, “I saw you and dad naked, and you were on top of him, bouncing up and down.”
So, Timmy’s mom thinks about what to tell him, since she has to go grocery shopping and doesn’t have the time to explain s3x right now. Then, an idea comes to her mind.
“Is that all you saw, you have no idea what we were doing?”
“That’s all I saw and I have no idea.”
“Well Timmy, when you get older like your father and I, you need to exercise. When your father’s belly gets too big and full of air, we get naked and I go on top of your father. Then I push my hands on his gut, bouncing up and down to take all the air out to make him skinny again.”
Timmy starts laughing, so his puzzled mother asks him, “What’s so funny?”
Still giggling, he says, “That’s not going to work! Every time you’re gone, the babysitter just blows him back up again.”
-
A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments. He had completed 20 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 min..'
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting.'
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What in the world is the matter with you? 'Why did you do that?'
The Marine calmly replied, 'GOD was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.'
-
An old pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeroncas...flew B-29's in WWII and later in the Korean conflict, worked as a flight instructor, gave rides to hundreds & retired flying for an airline.
Yeah, I'd say I am a pilot.'
He asks, "What about you, Missy"?
She said, 'Well, I'm a lesbian and I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence...
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
-
A chicken farmer, Joe, went to a local bar... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, 'How about that?
I just ordered a glass of champagne too!'
'What a coincidence,' Joe says, 'This is a special day
for me, I'm celebrating.'
'This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!' says
the woman.
'What a coincidence,' says Joe. As they clinked glasses the
farmer asked, 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!'
'What a coincidence,' says Joe. 'I'm a chicken farmer,
and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally
laying fertilized eggs.'
'That's great!' says the woman, 'How did your chickens
become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' Joe replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence...'
-
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending then rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the
night! He went home and told his wife, Mary,
"I won the prize for the best toast of the night. "
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself.
You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
-
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with
a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.'
An ambulance just drove by!'' Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!' 'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!'
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!'
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously
called out, 'how do you know they are having sex?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.'
-
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
"HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON."
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you . . . you have no legs!"
The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"
With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"