Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - Lucifer

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 32
Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: Today at 08:29:55 AM »
Johnny picks up Jenny for their date and they head to the town carnival. After some popcorn and carnival games, Johnny asks her what she’d like to do next. “I wanna get weighed” says Jenny.

Off to the scale they go.

After a few more games and food, Johnny again asks what she’d like to do next. “I wanna get weighed!” says Jenny a little more emphatically.

Off to the scale they go again.

This happens a third and a fourth time that evening.

Slightly frustrated, Johnny drops Jenny off back at her house.

Jenny walls in the door and her mother asks “how was your date”?

“WOWSIE”! Screams Jenny

A radio interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: December 14, 2018, 02:45:42 PM »
The Final Exam …

There were four seniors taking Microbiology and all of them had an ‘A’ so far.
These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends in Butte and have a big party.

They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday
and didn’t make it back to Montana State University in Bozeman until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final.

Professor Olesnicki agreed they could make up the final the next day.
The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day Professor Olesnicki placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet.
They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought!
Each one, in a separate room, thought this was going to be easy … then they turned the page…

On the second page was written…

For 95 points:

Which Tire? _________

Spin Zone / Re: Cohen and Attorney-Client Privilege
« on: December 14, 2018, 02:25:34 PM »
I think Cohen's disbarment is a foregone conclusion.  If the felony conviction isn't enough, New York is probably going to disbar him because he worked for Trump.

 Not necessarily.

 Bar associations for each state are just that, lawyer associations.  They are not a part of government.  They govern themselves and their members.

 There are many attorneys that have committed crimes and other misdeeds that still have a law license.  If you think the local ambulance chasing shyster lawyer is a lowlife, go take a look at his Bar Association that admitted him.

Spin Zone / Re: Cohen and Attorney-Client Privilege
« on: December 14, 2018, 01:34:26 PM »
I plead guilty to loving my wife. 

That isn't a crime, but sometimes when she spouts her liberal bullshit, I think it should be.

But I love her anyway.

Spin Zone / Re: What DID Timmy See?
« on: December 13, 2018, 03:43:52 PM »
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:




On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?

Just look at you . . . you have no legs!"

The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"

With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

Spin Zone / Re: What DID Timmy See?
« on: December 13, 2018, 12:55:25 PM »
An old pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeroncas...flew B-29's in WWII and later in the Korean conflict, worked as a flight instructor, gave rides to hundreds & retired flying for an airline.

Yeah, I'd say I am a pilot.'

He asks, "What about you, Missy"?

She said, 'Well, I'm a lesbian and I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence...

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

Spin Zone / Re: What DID Timmy See?
« on: December 13, 2018, 12:51:16 PM »
A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments. He had completed 20 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 min..'

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting.'

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What in the world is the matter with you? 'Why did you do that?'

The Marine calmly replied, 'GOD was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.'

Spin Zone / Re: Chuck and Nancy visit the WH
« on: December 13, 2018, 12:07:21 PM »
If a shut down happens it will be barely noticed by the public.   

 Many agencies of the federal government are already funded and will continue as normal.   

 Americans want border security, and they want immigration laws followed.  And I think they agree with Trump and are willing to back him on this.  Of course, the MSM and progressives will go nuts, but what's new?

 The "Nancy and Chuck Goes to the WH" show is just yet another blunder by the dims.

Spin Zone / Re: Evening with the Clintons
« on: December 12, 2018, 08:58:48 AM »

Spin Zone / Re: It's all in the eyes
« on: December 09, 2018, 07:51:54 PM »

Spin Zone / Re: Paris Riots
« on: December 08, 2018, 01:59:01 PM »
Here's how it works in a nutshell:

Find a problem, hopefully one that is inconclusive.  Begin promoting what the "dangers" of this new problem are, get some bogus "experts" to attest to the coming doom and gloom.  Have your MSM buy in hook, line and sinker.

Propose new taxes to "combat the problem".  Use this revenue to fund pet projects and "spread the wealth around" by giving massive grants and loans to a new industry "working for a solution". Of course, these new industries make sure those campaign contributions pour in back to their new found friends.

 How many times have we seen this?

Spin Zone / Re: Fixing the 2nd amendment
« on: December 07, 2018, 07:30:38 AM »

Spin Zone / Re: Manafort Sentencing Memo
« on: December 06, 2018, 01:52:55 PM »
Because this fellow was living in the US and paying US taxes. Personally, I think the reason none of you are concerned is because he didn't have a western name or lily white skin.

Right on cue.

If someone is murdered here in the US there are laws and a process to punish the guilty.  We went to war with James Foley's killers.

 That "war" was already in progress, we did not go to war based upon this event.  Your messiah was in such a hurry to hit the golf course he basically just fluffed it off.

  I was outraged when the Obominator ordered his killbots to slay Americans with no due process, personally I think he and his henchmen should be charged with murder.  And what's going on in Yemen is far, far worse. 

 Your faux outrage is way after the fact and only brought up because you have been called out on it.

And what make it worse is that Trump's bromance with MBS has caused us to aid and abet him in his Yemini genocide. Obama's hands aren't clean in this, we aided and abetted the Saudis in their war against the poorest country in the Arabian peninsula.  We all have blood on our hands.

 Glad you are so concerned about those Yemeni people.

 Too bad you could give a shit less about the murders happening in Chicago daily, or you could even care about all the American citizens that are homeless.  And of course you don't care about the millions of American citizens that are murdered in the womb so you can say you support "choice".

 We have plenty here, right here within our borders of the USA to be concerned with. 

Spin Zone / Re: Manafort Sentencing Memo
« on: December 06, 2018, 12:44:42 PM »
Beyond that, what was your reaction when Benghazi happened?  Those were American citizens.

 How about James Foley?  Remember, he was an American journalist that was executed by Al Qaeda.  Why, BHO was so angry about it, he just smiled and went golfing.

 I don't remember the outrage on that one.

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 32