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Messages - texasag93

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1
Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: January 31, 2024, 08:37:59 AM »

2
Spin Zone / Re: 2024 Presidential "Election"
« on: January 19, 2024, 07:41:48 AM »

3
Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: January 19, 2024, 06:35:59 AM »
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Walmart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.


One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.""Yes sir, I know, and I am working on it.""Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.”“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder.”


Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “It's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"


The old man looked down at the floor and smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,"They usually saluted and said, 'Good morning General, may I get your coffee Sir?'"

4
Spin Zone / Re: 2024 Presidential "Election"
« on: January 17, 2024, 04:42:58 PM »

5
Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: January 16, 2024, 11:54:54 AM »
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic

garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in

awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20

bills falling Out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and

see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that

money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to

the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and

pee

through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used

to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.

Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game days, I

stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge

clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I

surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off

it comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!

Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."

6
Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: January 14, 2024, 08:25:10 PM »
My cousin called and asked if I would loan her $300.00 to help her pay her rent. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back.

 Before I called her back, my aunt called, told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money. She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the $300.00, was to get her boyfriend out of jail, so she “could be under the same roof as him for his birthday”.

I was mad when I heard that, but I thought about it for minute, and decided to give her the $300.00, because we all need help at times. So, I called my cousin told her to come get the money.

 A couple of hours later, I get a call from the Correctional Facility. It was my cousin crying, screaming & asking why I gave her counterfeit money. My response, “so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!”

7
Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: November 22, 2023, 02:18:23 PM »
I need to get this for this year’s Army-Navy game.


8
Spin Zone / Re: Happy Thanksgiving!
« on: November 22, 2023, 12:59:37 PM »
Thankful for every one of you here on PilotSpin. Wishing you a wonderful holiday.

9
Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: November 01, 2023, 06:16:31 PM »
Stolen from Twitter:    https://twitter.com/HilzFuld/status/1719689381051547680

*WHEN A FLY FALLS INTO A CUP OF COFFEE . . .*
 
*The Italian –* throws the cup, breaks it, and walks away in a fit of rage.
 
*The German –* carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.
 
*The Frenchman –* takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
 
*The Chinese –* eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
 
*The Russian –* Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
 
*The Israeli –* sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea, and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
 
*The Palestinian –* blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, the German and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian so there will be peace.

10
Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: October 06, 2023, 03:28:08 PM »
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened?" You look terrible."

 What do you mean? said the pirate, "I feel fine."

The bartender said, "What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

The pirate said, "Well we were in battle and I got hit with a cannonball, but I'm fine now."

 The bartender said, "Well, okay but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?

The pirate said, "Well, we were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

The bartender said, "What about that eye patch?"

The pirate said, "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them sh*t in my eye."

The bartender said, "You're kidding, you lost your eye from bird sh*t?

The pirate said, "It was my first day with the hook."

11
...but... how would anyone tell the difference???

In an emergency, overnight referendum, the American people voted on Thursday to replace the United States Senate with a room full of monkeys throwing feces. The measure passed with 57% of the vote. 22% of voters thought the Senate should be replaced by barking seals, while 17% voted that the replacement should be the pit of venomous snakes from Indiana Jones. 3.97% voted that Senate members be replaced by screaming goats. "About 100 people" voted for the current Senators to keep their jobs, with this tiny voting bloc centered in Washington, D.C.

https://babylonbee.com/news/senate-to-be-replaced-with-room-full-of-monkeys-throwing-feces

12
Spin Zone / Re: What the hell just happened in Texas?
« on: September 20, 2023, 06:45:45 AM »

13
Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: September 19, 2023, 07:33:15 AM »
The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

 

IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

 

BOAT OWNER: "Well, there's Clarence, my deck hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen beers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."

 

IRS AUDITOR: "That's The guy I'm here to talk to, the mentally challenged one."

 

 

BOAT OWNER: "That would be me. What would you like to know?"

14
Spin Zone / Re: The EV fantasy
« on: September 19, 2023, 06:28:45 AM »

15
Spin Zone / Re: Joke Thread: Post 'em if ya got 'em
« on: September 14, 2023, 10:18:22 AM »

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