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Messages - Lucifer

Pages: 1 ... 910 911 [912] 913 914 ... 1340
13666
Spin Zone / Re: What DID Timmy See?
« on: December 13, 2018, 03:43:52 PM »
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

"HUSBAND WANTED!

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!

ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON."

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?

Just look at you . . . you have no legs!"

The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"

With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

13667
Spin Zone / Re: What DID Timmy See?
« on: December 13, 2018, 03:41:52 PM »
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with
a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.'
An ambulance just drove by!'' Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.

'Matt's riding a new bike!' 'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!'

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!'

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously
called out, 'how do you know they are having sex?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.'

13668
Spin Zone / Re: What DID Timmy See?
« on: December 13, 2018, 03:40:50 PM »
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending then rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the

night! He went home and told his wife, Mary,

"I won the prize for the best toast of the night. "

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself.
You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

13669
Spin Zone / Re: China Trade war more than Politics
« on: December 13, 2018, 03:26:27 PM »
Huh?  Hong Kong IS China...

Not really.  It is, and it isn't. 

Hong Kong is an autonomous territory, known as a Chinese special administrative region.  The government of Hong Kong is separate from that of mainland China.  Hong Kong also has it's own separate economy, and it's own separate currency.

People from the main land cannot enter Hong Kong without special authorization, there is a border (heavily guarded).

 The people of Hong Kong typically have english first names and chinese last names.  And english is fluent through out Hong Kong.

13670
Spin Zone / Re: Chuck and Nancy visit the WH
« on: December 13, 2018, 03:20:44 PM »
If the MedXPress system is shut down - like it was on the last government shutdown - the AMEs will be unable to issue medicals.

 If you are getting a normal medical, no problems, nothing abnormal the system should allow the pilot and the doctor to input the information.

 But, let's look at reality.  Everyone knows there is a pending shutdown.  If their medical is due, why not move it up and get it done?

 Also, most here are private (hobby) pilots. is having a small delay getting a medical going to end your life?  Seriously, if a shut down happens, what, a week?  Month tops? 

 I can't see the hysteria of a partial government shutdown.

13671
Spin Zone / Re: Chuck and Nancy visit the WH
« on: December 13, 2018, 02:37:32 PM »
Dunno, if you need your medical or a new certificate you might notice quite a bit.  But since you're not even a pilot you wouldn't know that.

 I'm not? 

 Oh, reality check:  Medical Examiners (private doctors) issue pilot medicals, not the FAA.  And a new certificate?  Done online.   

Next.

13672
Spin Zone / Re: China Trade war more than Politics
« on: December 13, 2018, 02:34:35 PM »
The problem is if we act unilaterally in a dramatic fashion China can make up the difference by pursuing opportunities elsewhere, which they are assiduously doing.  If they are successful we lose our one and only chance at modifying their behavior to match international norms.  Were we to establish a unified front with other trading powers it might have a stronger effect, and we would then be able to confront the Chinese leader more boldly.

 Once again, let's use some actual facts rather than CNN talking points.  Below is a list of China's exports.   As you can see, the US is the largest importer of Chinese goods.  The next largest?  Hong Kong, which is $151 billion less than the US.  And everyone else drops down the list very fast.

 China needs the US to buy their stuff.  A 19% reduction in their exports would crater their economy.  And those other countries?  Going to be very difficult, if not impossible to shift their exports over to them. Think about it this way, if they could have already increased market share in those other countries, it would have happened already.

 China is a nasty trading partner.  Most other countries have realized this fact, hence see the chart below.

United States: US$430.3 billion (19% of total Chinese exports)
Hong Kong: $279.2 billion (12.3%)
Japan: $137.3 billion (6.1%)
South Korea: $102.7 billion (4.5%)
Vietnam: $71.6 billion (3.2%)
Germany: $71.1 billion (3.1%)
India: $68 billion (3%)
Netherlands: $67.1 billion (3%)
United Kingdom: $56.7 billion (2.5%)
Singapore: $45 billion (2%)
Taiwan: $44 billion (1.9%)
Russia: $42.8 billion (1.9%)
Malaysia: $41.7 billion (1.8%)
Australia: $41.4 billion (1.8%)
Thailand: $38.5 billion (1.7%)

Trump has instead aggravated most of the leaders of the Western economic powers, further isolating the US.

President Trump has stood up for the United States.  He has put other countries on notice we will not be taken advantage of.  And he has offered to come to the table and negotiate trade with them that is fair for all parties.

 Why should the US be the door mat for the rest of the world?  More importantly, why do you hate this country so bad?


The good professor is one of the world's poorest proofreaders, a truly vexing problem for one who often writes for a living.  That said, it's been my experience that those who focus on minutiae have little original thought of their own to offer.

 Said by a man who depends on CNN/MSNBC/NYT/WashPo talking points.

 It's a rarity to see you use critical thought.

13673
Spin Zone / Re: China Trade war more than Politics
« on: December 13, 2018, 01:21:42 PM »
  The Chinese need us more than we need them.

This.

13674
Spin Zone / Re: What DID Timmy See?
« on: December 13, 2018, 12:56:05 PM »
A chicken farmer, Joe, went to a local bar... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that?

I just ordered a glass of champagne too!'

'What a coincidence,' Joe says, 'This is a special day
for me, I'm celebrating.'

'This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!' says
the woman.

'What a coincidence,' says Joe. As they clinked glasses the
farmer asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynecologist told me that I'm pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says Joe. 'I'm a chicken farmer,
and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally
laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman, 'How did your chickens
become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' Joe replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence...'

13675
Spin Zone / Re: What DID Timmy See?
« on: December 13, 2018, 12:55:25 PM »
An old pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeroncas...flew B-29's in WWII and later in the Korean conflict, worked as a flight instructor, gave rides to hundreds & retired flying for an airline.

Yeah, I'd say I am a pilot.'

He asks, "What about you, Missy"?

She said, 'Well, I'm a lesbian and I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence...

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

13676
Spin Zone / Re: What DID Timmy See?
« on: December 13, 2018, 12:51:16 PM »
A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments. He had completed 20 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.


One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 min..'


The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting.'


It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.


The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What in the world is the matter with you? 'Why did you do that?'


The Marine calmly replied, 'GOD was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.'

13677
Spin Zone / Re: Dems Change Rules to Make It Easier to Raise Taxes
« on: December 13, 2018, 12:31:50 PM »
I’m not quite sure this really makes any difference and I don’t understand the big deal. Does this just mean they now only need a majority rule for a tax increase to come out of Committee?  The House has always been majority rule for its floor votes.

Currently the house needs 3/5ths super majority vote to pass any new tax increases.  That's been lowered to a simple majority.  Since they hold the majority, then with the new rule they don't need any republican votes.  Of course, getting it through the senate and the WH is a whole 'nother thing.

 But these dumbasses, just like Harry Reid, don't realize what they are doing will come back to bite them.  Apparently they believe they will be in control of the house from now on.


13678
Spin Zone / Re: Chuck and Nancy visit the WH
« on: December 13, 2018, 12:07:21 PM »
If a shut down happens it will be barely noticed by the public.   

 Many agencies of the federal government are already funded and will continue as normal.   

 Americans want border security, and they want immigration laws followed.  And I think they agree with Trump and are willing to back him on this.  Of course, the MSM and progressives will go nuts, but what's new?

 The "Nancy and Chuck Goes to the WH" show is just yet another blunder by the dims.




13679
Spin Zone / Re: NDA's are now Illegal
« on: December 13, 2018, 11:37:19 AM »

13680
Spin Zone / Re: Dems Change Rules to Make It Easier to Raise Taxes
« on: December 13, 2018, 10:39:14 AM »
No doubt I'll be excoriated for pointing out the the Democrats are still in the minority in the House and will continue to best until next month.  I might also point out that they can't unilaterally do much without the cooperation of the GOP controlled Senate.

 Of course.

 But, it shows their intent which is horribly misguided.

 Remember, Harry Reid thought it was a great idea to do away with the 60 vote rule on confirmations.  Look at how that came back to haunt them.

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